A recent study has found the New York Mets’ fanbase is in fact populated by a majority of red-headed stepchildren, which accounts for the way they’re treated by the rest of the baseball world.

“We really wanted to get to the bottom of why the Mets just don’t get as much attention as the Yankees do,” said Josh Banach, a graduate student at NYU doing research on sports and the media. “What we found was very interesting. It’s not that the Yankees were owned by a maniacal tyrant in George Steinbrenner; or that they sign drama queens such as Alex Rodriguez to ridiculously large contracts; or that they continually do better in the standings than the Mets; or that they have a much longer list of former players in the Hall of Fame. It’s because the majority of Mets fans are red-headed stepchildren, and nobody in their right mind wants to pay attention to one of those.”

The study has revealed an interesting fact: more than 50% of all Mets fans seem to be the least desirable kind of person on earth — so undesirable, members of the media are unwilling to cater to them.

“They should all be put in jail as far as I’m concerned,” said Mike Greenberg of ESPN, who refuses to acknowledge the Mets during his broadcasts.

Skeptics have pointed out there is no real way of knowing the true demographics of any fan base, especially limiting it to red-headed stepchildren. But overhead shots of Citi Field show an alarming amount of red hair, making it look like a “giant carrot patch in the middle of Queens,” to one Goodyear Blimp pilot. However ignored these fans are, none of them will ever stop rooting for their beloved Mets.

“I guess I root for them because we have something in common,” said Jerry Jenson, a red-headed stepchild living in Queens, who is often ignored and forced to eat dinner alone. “One day people will start paying attention to us … we’ll have our day in the sun.”

By Michael Kloempken

Michael Kloempken