After being replaced outside Wrigley by a “Rahmen” Noodle back in February, the giant Kraft Noodle had hit hard times. He had tryouts in Pittsburgh and Kansas City, but they were scared off due to his tennis elbow macaroni. He even tried to take his talents to South Beach, but Pat Riley couldn’t fit him under the salary cap.
“It’s been a tough four months,” said Kraft Noodle. “I was getting ready to hang ’em up and start doing analysis for the Food Network … then Jim called.”
With outfielders Alfonso Soriano and Marlon Byrd on the DL, we were down to using some bearded middle infielder in left field,” said Cubs GM Jim Hendry. “I talked to Mike Quade and he agreed, nobody knows Wrigley like the Kraft Noodle. Even with Soriano back, Krafty is our best option out there in terms of pure fielding ability.”
Ryan Dempster was the happiest to have the Kraft Noodle back at Wrigley.
“Everyone thinks I’m the biggest jokester in the clubhouse,” the righthander said. “But truth be told, Krafty is the cheesiest!”
By Vince LiFonti. Photoshop by Kurt Evans