Everyone on the Cubs knew Carlos Silva had an appetite. There was a rumor that after games, there were two buffet tables set up: one for the Cubs, and one for the “Silva Monster.” But even his former teammates were surprised when they found out that Silva snuck into the Cubs clubhouse room in Mesa and ate all of their equipment as revenge for releasing him.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw how bare he left the clubhouse,” said Carlos Zambrano, who considers Silva a good friend and who has witnessed first-hand the power of Silva’s appetite during postgame meals. “He left nothing for us. He even ate my jock strap, and I’m definitely one of the dirtiest guys on the team.”

It was after everyone left the ballpark when Silva snuck into the clubhouse using a key given to him upon his trade to the team last year. Unfortunately, Todd Ricketts, still basking in the glow of his appearance on Undercover Boss, forgot to get the key back from him.

“I gave Todd one job to do,” lamented Tom Ricketts, who has been giving his younger brother less responsibility as time goes on. “One more mess up and he won’t have to go work undercover anymore as a hot dog vendor. He’ll be doing it full-time.”

Security cameras captured Silva eating everything he could get his hands on, including bats, balls, mitts, and even muddy cleats. Nothing was spared as Silva sat in the middle of the clubhouse with a bottle of hot sauce in one hand and baseball gear in the other, shoving everything down his throat.

“I think now that he’s done pitching, he just might have a career for himself in the circus,” said pitching coach Mark Riggins. “If only he put as much effort into his pitching as he did into his eating, he may have gone down as one of the best pitchers of all-time.”

By Michael Kloempken

Michael Kloempken