Due to the forced departures of nine members of the Blackhawks Stanley Cup winning team necessitated by the salary cap, the Hawks traded their enforcer John Scott to the wild for a boxing kangaroo. Other than providing the marsupial with unlimited amounts of grazing sod, the Blackhawks will not have to pay the kangaroo for his services.
Hawks president John McDonough clarified that Scott was not sent back to the Minnesota Wild, for whom the defenseman played in 2009 and 2010.
“John is going to the Australian Outback where he will protect the kangaroo population from their natural predators including eagles, dingoes and reptiles,” McDonough said. “He will also rough up a few poachers a la Crocodile Dundee.”
Scott, a pugnacious and inspired fighter known for his long reach and deliberate, seemingly thoughtful boxing style, has had relatively easy bouts this season for the Hawks. He beat up Kevin Westgarth of the Kings in November. Cam Janssen of the Blues had the temerity to provoke Scott in two different games, and paid for it in Scott bombs received to the facial area.
“I’m not upset, because I understand the salary cap,” Scott said while clearing out his Hawks locker. “Besides, it’s not like there’s no hockey in Australia. I thought I heard there’s a game there coming up soon against the Nashville Predators.”
The boxing kangaroo will be added to the Hawks fourth line and penalty kill. He will be the first non-human to play in the NHL since Terry “the Tazmanian Devil” O’Reilly retired in 1985.
By HecklerRob. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte