Jay Cutler’s tumultuous tenure has evoked criticism from nearly every Chicagoan, but the Bears’ QB is waiting until each resident has voiced an opinion on his play before deciding how to perform during the rest of the season.
“There are still at least a few hundred people who have yet to call in to a sports talk radio show or update their Facebook status with their feelings on the matter,” said Cutler, while relaxing during the bye week with girlfriend Kristin Cavallari. “How am I supposed to know how to play until everyone in town weighs in on the matter? I’m looking at you Bill Franklin from Logan Square. Your silence is killing me, so spit it out already.”
Interestingly, 64 percent of Chicago feels Cutler’s new romance with the reality TV star has been a distraction to his play on the field, while 30 percent believe he’s entitled to date whomever he wants even though she’s far too attractive for him. The remaining six percent have yet to come to an official decision, which Cutler impatiently awaits.
“I really want to know what everyone thinks about my relationship with Kristin,” said Cutler. “I personally think she’s a great girl and I love spending time with her but if most Chicagoans think she and I shouldn’t date, well, then she’s history.”
Cutler added he might attempt to win back Cavallari should his play on the field improve, but “only if everyone in town approves first.”
Such a reliance on public opinion is made difficult for Cutler by the occasional contradictions fans make.
“I was reading Facebook posts during Sunday’s game by some guy named Sandy Reimensen,” said Cutler. “First he said I was holding the ball too long in the pocket, but just 30 minutes later he said I should wait longer for my receivers to get open before passing to them, so I’m not exactly sure how to respond to such expert analysis.”