After his new team’s disappointing regular season debut loss to the Celtics, LeBron James remains convinced Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra is actually a balboy.

“The game was getting pretty tense near the end when we almost pulled it out,” said James. “During a TV timeout the ballboy called me over and asked me if I could possibly pass the ball to Wade or Bosh. I was like ‘Yeah dude whatever. Go get me a towel.'”

Not wanting to upset his prima dona superstar, the young, fresh-faced Spoelstra quickly grabbed a fresh towel for James. He persisted with his advice for James, even raising his voice. James again resisted.

“Hey kid, can you keep it down?” asked James, looking toward Pat Riley, the Heat’s president and former Lakers, Knicks and Heat coach with five NBA championships under his belt. “I’m trying to hear what Coach Riley is trying to tell me to do on the next play.”