Great news: The Heckler’s August issue has hit the streets. As usual, it’s packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news. Before we get to the headlines, please join The Heckler and I WISH at Finley Dunne’s Wednesday, Aug. 26 for Fantasy Football 101 with resident expert Matt Wood, who will give such critical lessons as “Don’t Draft T.O.” and “Mock Draft: Your Pick Sucks.” Space is extremely limited. Click here to register.

Among this issue’s headlines
Cubs News
Bloated Soto gets stuck in MRI machine

Cubs fan with iPhone can’t recall one play from game he attended

Ted Lilly All-Star jersey unpurchased by anyone other than pitcher’s family

Scandalous Rick Morrissey hotel video called ‘disgusting’ and ‘sick’

Soto warns about the dangers of Goldenseal; Drug masking agent ‘doesn’t work at all’ according to catcher

Derrek Lee’s neck spasms lead to case of ‘Giraffe Neck’

Drunk Rascal Flatts fan wakes up in Wrigley storage bin three weeks after concert; ‘How the hell did I get here?’ asks man in straw cowboy hat and sparkly button-down shirt

“Fox Headz”: PETA protests head wear of Jake Fox fan club

X Games to be held at Wrigley between innings; Cubs add revenue with half pipe in outfield

Mel Rojas joins Dan Plesac, Mitch Williams on MLB TV; Network now employs three worst Cubs relievers of all time

Zambrano, Bradley pictured on boxes of Froot Loops

Left field prayer group section added at Wrigley to support Soriano’s foibles

Aaron Miles found in time capsule below Wrigley Field

Body parts from Cubs rotation pieced together to form one healthy pitcher

Desperate to cut salary, Pirates sell Roberto Clemente statue to Nats

Woo-Woo in History: 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago

White Sox News
Sox move forward with plans to issue playoff tickets for some reason

Comcast still doing game recap from Buehrle’s perfect outing last month

Sox fans gear up on camo perfect game T-shirts for next game or hunting trip

Bears/NFL News
Cutler wears party helmet to practice

Fantasy Update: For first time ever, man not laughed at for drafting Bears QB; Then loses credibility by taking Bears WR

Cutler still thinks team signed Holt and Owens

Butterfinger signs Rashied Davis to 1-year sponsorship deal

Packers install edible cheese seats at Lambeau 

Blackhawks News
Burish flies to Buffalo just in case other cabbies try to retaliate against Kane

The Heckler’s Sports Talk Radio Man Screamin’ Johnny Blaze can’t believe they named the Sears Tower after P.T. Willis

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Special thanks to all The Heckler’s sponsors:

Stretch Run Sporting Club & Grille
Get The Heckler Special: Burger, Beer & Bet for just $11.95 until July 30
544 N. LaSalle 

Mother Hubbard’s Sports Pub 
5 W. Hubbard St. 

The Fifty/50
2047 Division St

Joe’s Bar on Weed St.
940 W. Weed St.
A sports bar that actually shows sports. 110 TVs, outstanding patio with Jumbotron, great thin crust pizza, quarter beers on Tuesdays.

Cheetah Gym Chicago: Fit it in.
Andersonville, Bucktown, Edgewater and Opening in Logan Square later this year

Love Me Tenders 
Official Chicken of the Chicago Cubs
Picture yourself on the field for Cubs batting practice! Submit your game or home photo enjoying Love Me Tenders at for details

America Loves BBQ 
Combining two two American pastimes this season at Wrigley Field

Finley Dunne’s Tavern
3458 N. Lincoln 

Bud Light bleacher tix giveaways all summer; $2.50 Bud Light pints and bleacher ticket giveaways every Friday and much more

A&R Collectibles
888-667-SPORT (7767)
Enter HECKLER at checkout to save money on their amazing selection of unique memorabilia from all sports teams and great movies like Caddyshack.

Guthrie’s Tavern
1300 W Addison St
“Just a flyball away”: Beer specials every day. Over 75 board games