Old Town resident Adam Conrad recently purchased two tickets for the Elton John/Billy Joel concert on July 21 at Wrigley Field, mistakenly believing he would be seeing the two pop musicians square off in the boxing ring.

“Man, that is gonna be one sweet brawl,” the 25-year-old copy editor told confused coworkers in his company break room. “I mean, Billy Joel seems like the favorite, but I think he’s a blue-collar, tough-guy poseur. My money’s on Sir Elton–he seems like the type who fights dirty.”

When one of Conrad’s colleagues informed him that the event was in fact a concert, his face immediately turned ashen.

“You mean I just spent $600 to watch those wash-ups play the same songs I can hear 50 times a day on FM radio?” asked a distraught Conrad. “Sweet Jesus, what have I done?”

Yet, Conrad may have found a use for the tickets after all.

“Maybe I can give them to my grandma as an early birthday present. I think she likes that kind of crap.”

heckler editorial staff