The Blackhawks skated to an easy win Sunday afternoon as they dominated the St. Louis Blues 4-1. Star Winger Martin Havlat scored his 24th of the year.

The Hawks had to kill off 10 St. Louis power plays and showed once again how undisciplined they are. If they could have kept the penalties down and had a couple of talented players that could take some pressure off Havlat, the team might be battling for a playoff run right now.

Instead, General Manager Dale Talon has been forced to hire NASA to determine how the Hawks can make the playoffs mathematically.

“It’s not looking good,” said an anonymous NASA employee/nerd. “So many things have to happen. This team is so bad we had to come up with some pretty advanced algorithms just to find a way to have them in the playoffs. And after some complex calculus and chaos math, we were able to find a small chance they could make it.

“Yes,” Talon said with his arms raised triumphantly in the air. “There’s still a chance!”

Number of the Weekend: 0
Teams contacting Talon with interest in acquiring Jassen Cullimore or Adrian Aucoin as tomorrow’s trade deadline approaches.

heckler editorial staff