The NFL’s annual version of the All-Star game concept saw the AFC beat the NFC 31-28 in Honolulu.

In lieu of “stars,” the Pro Bowl featured the kind of players it usually does. They are the ones who are either single or in open marriages, and who are the only ones in any condition to play another football game at the tail end of another grueling season.

“I’m kind of seeing a few women in different cities back on the mainland,” said Steven Jackson, a three-year NFL veteran but a first time Pro Bowl selection only because he finally divorced his wife. “But none of these women have the right to tell me I can’t fly to the Aloha State and get lei’d.”

On his team’s loss, NFC coach Sean Payton said, “We lost today because the AFC had a ringer at quarterback-Peyton Manning. That clearly wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t have been allowed to play. Didn’t Manning hurt his thumb recently? And isn’t he married?”

heckler editorial staff