In a statement issued by the team, Kraft said, “Mr. Putin recently tweeted about how happy he is that Tebow is now a member of the Patriots. So I asked Tim if he wouldn’t mind signing for the President so I can get my ring back.”
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“I was still drunk four hours after I got to work on Thursday,” said Hawks fan Tom Benson, referring to the day after the three-overtime Game 1 that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. “Plus now I can check out the first period before work on Monday, then see the game-winning goal when I get home.”
Duncan Keith, who leads both teams in ice time with a record-setting eleven hours, forty three minutes, and fifteen seconds, told reporters shortly before leaving the locker room, “Please, no more. Make it stop. Make it all stop. Someone. Please.”
Bruins coach Claude Julien has a long-standing policy of finding ways to keep his teams relaxed during the NHL playoffs. In 2011 when Boston won the Stanley Cup, Julien brought his team to a Vancouver karaoke bar where veterans Tim Thomas and Mark Recchi sang many of the great Canadian classics. “There’s nothing like a [...]
“We have a lot of money invested in Rob and we need to do what we can to protect that investment,” said Patriots coach Bill Belichick. “If that means paying some Bible-beating dork to stay in Rob’s shadow 24-seven, that’s what we’re going to do.”
In an interview with Inside Hockey magazine, Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask discussed his rise as one of the best net minders in the professional hockey, as well as his personal life.
“Once again, ESPN has broken new ground in sports programming,” said a network spokesperson. “The interest in these two teams is overwhelming among the only demographic that counts, the northeast United States.”
The procedure itself went off without a hitch but when Gronkowski awoke, he was angry and confused. He easily ripped off his restraints and shouted “GRONK SMASH!” before bashing a hole in the secret “hospital” and storming off.
Fresh from an emotional appearance at Boston’s Fenway Park to perform his signature song, “Sweet Caroline,” legendary singer Neil Diamond announced he is taking his show to major and minor league ballparks throughout North America.
“Whether or not he needs a colostomy remains to be seen,” Whitman said. “We are also running tests to see if Mark is suffering from concussion problems after the play.”
“How Gronk broke? What this Gronk feel?” a clearly agitated Gronkowski was seen asking team physicians while in the Patriots locker room. “Gronk no like. Gronk want porn girl! Picture time! Picture time!”
