Prior to Friday’s game in Milwaukee, an anonymous culprit planted a phony news release in the Miller Park press room that claimed Cubs GM Jim Hendry was writing an autobiography titled “How to Finish Near Last Place with the Highest Payroll in the League.” After hearing of the stunt, Hendry was inspired to actually write the book, which he plans to release this winter.

“I bet lots of people would buy that book,” said Hendry. “My ability to drive this team into the ground certainly is a captivating mystery after all.”

The fake book contains chapters like “Why I signed Milton Bradley!” and “Why I released Casey McGehee only to see him hit 20 home runs and drive in nearly 100 runs for a division rival!” Hendry said he could write about a 1,000 words about each of those topics.

“How about giving Soriano an eight-year $136 million deal?” asked Hendry. “I can’t believe they didn’t mention that. What morons!”