Another major change to the college football landscape: The Chicago Bears have announced that they’ll join the Big Ten athletic conference in the summer of 2011. The Monsters of the Midway are the newest addition to the 13-member conference, following the Nebraska Cornhuskers’ decision to enter the Big Ten last week.
“This is truly a great day for us,” GM Jerry Angelo said from Halas Hall. “Not only are we joining an organization with a longer, more storied history than the National Football League, but we also expect to be one of the top-five teams in the conference from the get go.”
Coach Lovie Smith expressed delight with announcement. “Now we won’t have to worry about bone-headed, costly draft picks and trades that damage our viability for several years,” he said. “We can cancel scholarships and recruit as many players as we want at whatever position we need every year, and it won’t cost us a dime.”
However, linebacker, team captain and unofficial spokesperson Brian Urlacher was ambivalent about the move.
“I dunno, it just feels like a step down to me,” he said. “On the other hand, we will finally be getting cheerleaders. I’m looking forward to impregnating a few of them.”
By Brian Summerfield