Despite video evidence suggesting he clearly expressed disgust after Chicago’s 35-point loss against Cincinnati Sunday, Bears head coach Lovie Smith continues to vehemently deny a public display of emotion ever happened.

“The accusation made by several members of the media that I displayed emotion at a professional football game is egregious,” said Smith. “I’d like to take a moment to assure you all that I did not frown, appear unhappy, scowl, grimace, or do anything else that might indicate natural human response made by a human.”

Smith initially offered no alternate explanation for the documented emotional response, but reporters wouldn’t let him off the hook. They eventually badgered the oddly calm head coach into answering.

“Fine, I’ll tell you the truth,” he said. “I’ve got a sensitive digestive system and I overdid it with breakfast. That glass of water and plain egg white omelet with no salt didn’t sit well in my intenstinary areas. Next time I’ll try skipping the eggs.”

From the October 2009 issue by Ben Kobold