Jimmy Kain of Lombard was relieved to learn that the contents of his bedroom–stolen two weeks ago in a home burglary–had been located safe and sound on the set of Comcast SportsNet’s “Monsters in the Morning” TV show hosted by Mike North.

“I turned on the TV and saw two old guys playing with all my stuff,” said the 13-year-old Kain, briefly looking up from his Nintendo DS. “I don’t know what they wanted with it. That’s so uncool.”

North–bare-chested after Kain reclaimed the under-sized Ultimate Fighting-style T-shirt North often wears on-air–was apologetic, but said he was simply trying to give the set of his show some local flair.

“We didn’t mean nothing by it. I bought all the stuff off eBay for less than $100 total,” said North. “Back when I was selling hot dogs, I used to deck out my hot dog stand with all kinds of crappy sports knick-knacks. That seemed to attract people to buy my hot dogs, so I figured it would attract viewers too.

“Did you know I used to sell hot dogs?” added North.

Kain was unimpressed by North’s explanation, but said he was just happy to have back most of his stuff.

“Those guys had everything right there on their set. My hats. Banners. Bobble heads. Promotional hard hats,” said Kain. “Even the big LED board I stole from my school cafeteria last year. It took me a month to figure out how to get ‘Tater Tots this Wednesday’ off that thing. I made it say ‘I love Boobs’ instead.”

Kain said the only item he had yet to locate was his battered stash of Playboy magazines. North and his on-air partner Dan Jiggetts claimed to have no knowledge of the magazines’ whereabouts.

From the October 2009 issue by Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief