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The Cubs are openly seeking a replacement for Paul Friedman, Wrigley Field's public address announcer for the past 16 seasons. One interesting candidate who used a popular career website to apply was former second baseman and minor league manager Ryne Sandberg.

More than a year has passed since I last graced the pages of The Heckler. I'm getting older. Wiser. Fatter. Hotter. I'm back, and I'm ready for the 2008 season. My loyal fans have demanded an explanation for my absence, and this issue offers me the perfect opportunity to explain.

The U.S. 2006 Winter Olympics team is getting the cold shoulder. Primed to seriously compete in more events than ever before, the talented U.S. contingent has simultaneously managed to embarrass itself by demonstrating interest in silly snow sports as well as anger former NATO allies by depriving them of the singular joys they can count on once every four years.

The Cubs may have found their closer for 2007. Just one day after Ryan Dempster gave up a game-winning hit in the ninth inning, Scott Eyre surrendered the lead in the eighth as his team lost 5-4.

Hey, I don't know what has gotten into you, but you need to relax. I don't know if you're trying to get fired or are just oblivious, but you're going to lose your job if you keep up your antics.

The Chicago Blackhawks got their first home win last night, defeating the Nashville Predators 3-1. Unfortunately, due to the Hawks' blackout restrictions set forth by owner Bill Wirtz, The Heckler is not allowed to actually reveal highlights.

“I heard how rowdy those fans get for their sports,” said Hester. “It should be nothing to get one to hit me and keep this streak going.”