The Real Deal

Tuesday afternoon The Heckler published a story about the Lingerie Football League. About two minutes later, their lawyers sent us a cease and desist. Here's what we think of that.

The Citgo Petroleum power play is the most ridiculous term in all of sports. In your dreams you hit the game winning grand slam, throw the game winning touchdown, score the winning basket and...

We at The Heckler get unsolicited emails all the time. Usually they're from Sox fans who think we have a North Side bias. Those go straight to the trash. Sometimes, however, they're from people who actually want to talk about sports in an intelligent manner. We save those and today, we've actually answered some of them.

By now the desire of millions of baseball fans was to know how far that homer flew, and the craving for such knowledge was relentless. Ten years ago, a major airline paid a huge chunk of change to the tape measure industry to sponsor the question. However, the discovery in February of hollowed bats and pine tar in the airline’s hangars abruptly ended its sponsoring by court order.

From his well-known practical jokes to his deadpan humor, Cubs closer Ryan Dempster is the kind of guy who is always one step ahead of you. In the course of a conversation, you can never be sure if he’s telling the truth or pulling your leg.

The right thing to do when quitting a column is to write a fifteen-minute resignation piece thanking your readers and saying goodbye in a hail of fireworks. You can all relax because I am not quitting. I just take long breaks between columns unless I feel like writing them a mere two months apart.

Ahh, another Cubs Convention is upon us. Which means half the state of Iowa will descend on the Chicago Hilton to show just how dorky Cubs fans can be. It’s enough to make a guy want to have a drink or 10. But where do you go to drink away 100 years of sorrow?