Thursday, March 28, 2024

Manziel taking classes by telepathy

Eyebrows were raised recently when it was reported earlier this week that 2012 Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was taking college classes online and was only on campus once a month. A spokesperson representing the Texas A&M freshman denied the report saying that Manziel is doing coursework, not online, but through mental telepathy.

Northwestern basketball coach hopes to convert nerds into athletes

"It's just too hard to find smart athletes, so I am gonna see if smart kids can play ball," he said.

Rutgers names Bobby Knight new provost

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a Rutgers source said the university is no longer pursuing politically correct hires. “Clearly we have no skill whatsoever in hiring the right people. So we decided the hire the wrongest person we could find.”