NCAA

When the Ohio State Buckeyes meet the Miami Hurricanes on Sept. 17 there will be much more at stake than just a football game. In an out-of-character move, the NCAA announced the winner of this match-up of corrupt programs will be awarded immunity from any pending sanctions for off-field impropriety. The loser will become the first school since SMU in 1987 to receive the “death penalty.”

College football is back baby! With approximately 250 games played between Thursday and Monday evening, we're here to boil it all down for you in just 215 words.

Following a record-breaking debut by rookie QB Cam Newton Sunday, the Carolina Panthers were rocked by allegations that Cam's father Cecil Newton sought substantial sums of money in return for his son playing for a major professional team.

The University of Miami police, a perennial Top 25 campus police force according to the Associated Police and the Harris Policeman Polls, was rocked by the news that it must vacate all of its arrests between 2002 to 2010.

In an effort to fill a holiday void of one night without worthless bowl games, the NCAA has reached out to corporate sponsors to create another bowl of little or no significance.

Penn State is requesting an emergency exemption from NCAA policies barring the paying of recruits due to continued fallout from the Sandusky scandal.

“The portrayal was absolutely uncanny, and we all loved the part of the performance where they didn’t cross midfield until the game was virtually over," said one senior official of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "At certain times it was hard to believe that we weren’t watching the actual Rams offense out there.”