Thursday, March 28, 2024

Kidnapped catcher Wilson Ramos implores that public worry not for him, but for poor...

Kidnapped Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was allowed to make one phone call to the media Thursday night but instead of conveying demands for ransom money or ensuring family members of his own safety, he used the time to make what he felt was a much more serious announcement.

Paterno fired from Wal-Mart greeter position after rash of thefts on his watch

Paterno was relieved Friday of his duties as a greeter at the Wal-Mart in Pittson, Penn, about five miles outside of Happy Valley. Store personnel said the firing was related to a recent rash of store thefts that happened while Paterno was on duty.

Sexual harrassment suit forces Monta Ellis to play defense for first time ever

"On the basketball court I'm lobbing up 20 to 25 shots a game so I don't have to worry about playing defense," said Ellis. "But in this case they're the ones who are lobbing shots my way, but instead of shots, it's damning evidence like copies unsolicited cell phone photos of my penis that I sent to a woman who worked for the team."

Cubs fans who don’t want to be depressed by Castro news encouraged to look...

Cubs fans who don't want to be completely depressed about sexual assault allegations against Starlin Castro have been encouraged by the team to do nothing but look at pictures of puppies on the Internet all day.

Carcillo starts book club

“I’ve been reading since I was at least fifteen,” said Carcillo. “There are definitely some classics I’d like to share with the world. And then dispute.”

Jed Hoyer discovers Junior Lake and other prospects are not actual people

“We couldn’t find [infield prospect] Junior Lake after he didn’t report to Arizona,” said Hoyer. “So we made a few calls to the Dominican. All we could determine about Lake was that several college students vouched for the parties there.”

J.T. Thomas insists that marijuana found in his car belonged to Sam Hurd

“He told me he had to go meet some investors,” claimed Thomas. “Which now in hindsight must have been those undercover cops that busted him.”