Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Albert Pujols asks for help after he admits he doesn’t know how to run

Aging Angels slugger Albert Pujols has spent the quarantine going through some deep self-reflection and has come to terms with a tragic flaw: He never learned how to run.

Lakers games to be broadcast on SOAPnet for remainder of 2013 season

"We're overjoyed!" said SOAPnet exec Sally Benson. "These guys are way more melodramatic than our current shows and storylines. Will Kobe [Bryant] and Dwight [Howard] make up? Or will their rivalry tear this team apart? You'll have to tune in to find out!"

Rest of NHL agrees to participate in yet another Blackhawks or Kings Cup run

“The owners could have made at least one unreasonable demand,” Bettman was overheard lamenting to a confidant. “Otherwise what am I doing here? All I’ve got is this cheap suit and my idea to dot the greater southwestern desert with unprofitable teams.”

Mookie Betts to pursue bowling instead of joining Dodgers

The Dodgers’ blockbuster trade with the Red Sox for Mookie Betts and David Price has been mixed after Betts announced he would be perusing a new career in bowling.

The Heckler’s Second-Best Sports Town Tournament

With an unfortunate lack of viable competitions this March, we decided to unleash a tournament to determine the second-best sports town in America. We already know the winner (Chicago).

Cubs trade Bryant’s newborn for Mike Trout’s baby to be named later

Shortly after Kris Bryant and his wife announced the birth of their first child, the Cubs traded the newborn boy to the Angels in exchange for Mike Trout’s son, whose arrival is due later this year.

LeBron only watched 1 of 2 Jordan doc episodes citing load management

Episodes 1 and 2 of “The Last Dance” premiered Sunday night, and while most watched both episodes and wanted more, some people couldn’t handle all the television.