Packers

As soon as the cheerleader-less Packers and Steelers advanced to Super Bowl XLV, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones immediately went about the task of putting together the largest cheerleader team in history by hiring every stripper in the state of Texas.

In the wake of their first loss in the season to the lowly Chiefs, fans of the Packers have taken to message boards and office water coolers to awkwardly and unconvincingly express their "relief" that the their team "doesn't have to worry about that '16-0' target on their back anymore."

“I saw that Rodgers guy at the State Farm office every day,” said some guy with a New Jersey accent and a Cheesehead foam hat. “I'm unemployed and wander around drunk all day in case someone happens to be shooting a commercial I can walk in on. And every time I walked past the window there was Rodgers, just hanging out.”

"The one time I find myself rooting for Green Bay, I know they're going to tank against the Vikings Sunday just to screw the Bears," said Emmert, blissfully ignorant to the fact that a Packers win in Minneapolis solidifies a first-round bye for Green Bay.

Green Bay Packers GM Brian Gutekunst said star QB Aaron Rodgers shouldn't be offended by their plan to draft seven quarterbacks this year, which began Thursday night with their first-round pick of Utah State's Jordan Love.

“I feel very disappointed the Packers didn’t consult ownership like me before picking a QB in the first round,” said Miske, a Packers shareholder from Oconomowoc, Wisc. “Decisions like these need buy-in from the top.”

With fans and analysts scratching their heads about the Packers draft strategy, the team’s GM and head coach say they are encouraged with how the mock draft went.