Ann Arbor

Wisconsin, Northwestern, Michigan, Michigan State and Penn State are all looking for new homes Saturday evening after the Big Ten announced it was dropping the five schools for their part in the conference getting swept in its New Year's Day bowl games.

Jalen Rose created a stir last month when he referred to black Duke players as "Uncle Toms" during a documentary about his Michigan "Fab Five" team from the early 1990s. Today he's issuing an apology for his comment after finally being told what an Uncle Tom actually is.

"A lot of people assumed we'd do something that made sense like split the teams up by geography or name them after our most famous alums, but why take the logical route?" said commissioner Jim Delany. "And there's no way we're changing it, no matter how stupid even our most die-hard supporters believe it to be."

"Seriously? I thought every American was pumped up for today's big game," said Torensen, who now lives in Chicago. "I mean, c'mon. No. 11 vs. No. 23. This is the stuff that dreams are made of."

In response to a very boring year and Northwestern being relevant for the Rose Bowl, Big Ten Football has announced a name change for their Leaders and Legends Divisions: the Lousy and Lackluster Divisions.

After being caught by his mother, John Harbaugh admitted in a press conference that he and his brother, Jim, switched places at the beginning of the season.

Wearing facemasks is in right now and being environmentally friendly while doing so is the classic double whammy. Jim Harbaugh has set an example and the entire world should take notes. He has taken his very own, game worn, khaki pants and sewed them himself into facemasks for his entire family.