Cubs name John Madden new manager
“As soon as we heard Madden was available, we grabbed him up,” beamed Cubs President Theo Epstein. “We were shocked to hear that he opted out of his contract with Ace Hardware, but I’m proud of how this baseball organization pulled together and executed so quickly to get him.”
White Sox announce first ever ‘Cell-Ebration’ tonight to ring in 23 years and 5...
Not to be outdone by the 100 year Wrigley Field anniversary party today, the White Sox have announced their first ever “Cell-Ebration,” a huge bash celebrating U.S. Cellular Field’s 23 years and 5 days birthday tonight.
White Sox and Toronto cancelled due to Stanley Cup Game 1
“And since those yahoos at Yahoo Sports are all picking Boston to win the Cup, the Sox have to be at the UC to bring good karma and show our support in full force.”
Patrick Kane’s dad sneaks ‘Miracle on Ice’ into game film, triggers son’s hat trick
Asked about the video, Pat Kane Sr. said “Yeah, yeah, yeah … 22 career playoff goals. Of course they’re in the video. But Patrick scored the hat trick because I secretly spliced Miracle on Ice into the film. You know, subliminally, the way the words ‘order a pizza’ are invisibly edited into those late night infomercials for exercise machines.”
Bulls trainer wins NBA award, announces one-year sabbatical in 3D printing
“I’m off to learn 3D printing," said Tedeschi. “Then I can just print out new players when anyone on the team gets hurt.”
LaRussa drunk-dials Tim Anderson
Less than a day after Tony LaRussa's February 2020 DUI arrest broke, the new White Sox skipper attempted to break the ice with Tim Anderson by placing a long-awaited phone call to the team's star shortstop. There was only one problem.
Financially destitute baseball team decides it can’t afford the luxury of a .188 hitter
The down-and-out Chicago Cubs have decided to part ways with Kyle Schwarber after a miserable 2020 campaign in which the misplaced left-fielder struggled mightily at the plate.
