Blackhawks

The Cubs typically use the electronic message board on their famed stadium marquee to broadcast messaging from corporate sponsors. Occasionally they congratulate another team for winning a championship. Someday maybe that team will be them.

The Heckler's February issue has hit the streets to help ease your winter blues. We think it's our best ever, but we also thought signing Milton Bradley was a good move by Jim Hendry. Sometimes we're wrong.

The Heckler's first-ever Sportsman of the Year could have gone to any of the five finalists, but in the end, Jay "Pick 6" Cutler got the nod. Here's what nominators had to say about the four runners up.

“Consider the superhuman effort it would take to actually overcome the inevitable six-goal barrage. Add to that the endless forechecking, skilled defense and two hot goalies,” said a breathless league executive. “We wanted to make such an amazing victory special. That is, if it ever actually happens.”

"It was Denis Savard," said one Cubs fan, wiping a tear from her eye. "He sang 'take me out to the ballgame' during the 7th Inning Stretch. He opened our eyes and made us see what was really important in this world. Not this simple game between two mediocre baseball teams, but the Stanley Cup! It's really all about the Cup!"

Vowing to acquit themselves after losing three of five playoff games to the Red Wings and fighting to stay alive in the series, the Blackhawks organized a team swim in the Detroit River prior to Game 6 in the Motor City, which many are crediting with their resurgence in Monday night's thrilling 4-3 win.

“She said that eight-legged creatures would rain from the sky,” said UC employee Sam McAllister. “Sounded like gibberish to me. Then she yelled something about the Hawks never winning as long as the zebras ruled the land. I laughed. It makes me cry a little to think that I laughed.”