Besieged by criticism for the way they handled the Carlos Silva situation, Cubs officials were quick to defend the organization’s commitment to running a professional, efficient operation.

“Nuh-uh!” proclaimed the bright blue, Comic Sans-lettered headline of the press release put out yesterday. “We are SO profeshunal [sic], unlike that fatty Carlos Silva! He totally can’t pitch at all … unless anyone wants to sign him!”

Cubs GM Jim Hendry personally delivered the press release to reporters, naively hoping to avoid criticism that he pawned off his personal responsibilities on subordinates, as he was dinged for when he had new pitching coach Mark Riggins inform Silva of his release.

“Look, as GM, I have to be accountable, and I understand it’s my job to hand deliver press releases,” said Hendry. “That’s my job, right? I mean, there isn’t something else I should be doing, is there?”

In addition to defending the manner in which Silva was let go, the press release also contained other claims, including the assertion that “history will vindicate the Bradley deal” and the prediction that “nobody will be laughing when we score more points than anyone else this year.”

Heckler George