First it was the presidential election. Then it was the threat of a global market meltdown. Now it's something much more serious. Fake news websites around the world have been claiming for weeks the Chicago Cubs won the 2016 World Series.
“I can’t wait to see Bartolo Colon anchor the N.L. squad,” said Tony Clark, head of the MLB Players Association. “He’s going to beat the pants off of Wally the Green Monster!”
A bartender at John Barleycorn in Wrigleyville was fired today after trying to make World Series winning Cubs Manager Joe Maddon pay his own bartab.
The Independent Party of America (IPA) has nominated Kyle Schwarber as its candidate for President of the United States. IPA president Jim Connors said “voters are clearly unexcited about both candidates, so it only makes sense to give the people what they want: a great comeback story.”
"It's obviously gonna happen," said Cubs fans Bill Benson. "First we sign an awesome new manager and now he's riding around town on a freaking hoverboard?! Next thing you know they'll come out with shrinking jackets and diners where you can ride exercise bikes while your order is taken by a video of Ronald Reagan!"
Did you see the highlights last night? The man known around town as the most physically fit man in all of Kansas City was on-hand to give World Series MVP Madison Bumgarner a car for his dominant World Series Performance.