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After devastatingly losing out on a bidding war for Machado to the bleeping’ San Diego Padres, the White Sox front office is looking to salvage the offseason by offering Bryce Harper a 10 year/$400 million offer with an opt out after every game.
Reinsdorf, who sold the Bulls to Elon Musk, says that he is looking forward to putting all of his money into one new player on the White Sox, and hopes that Musk can shoot the Bulls into space to keep us safe from ever having to watch them again.
Machado, who will most likely be a Yankee because White Sox fans can’t have anything nice, got lazy when he saw that he still had time left to cross at the intersection of 35th and Shields, but ultimately had to pull up short to wait for the next light.
In a bold move aimed at picking off North Side fans, the White Sox have dropped the “We’re All In” slogan and replaced it with a more aggressive “Not As Bad As The Cubs™” mantra.
White Sox bench coach Joey Cora was recently the unfortunate victim of a U.S. Cellular promotion gone wrong.
"While I most certainly can empathize with his frustration, I find Mr. Quade's harangue neither professional nor appropriate," Guillen told reporters in the Sox clubhouse. "Why must that fellow demean himself and our grand pastime so with his foul, abusive vitriol? Yes, I am distressed. Distressed and perplexed."