As The Heckler's Cubs buzz wears down (a bit?) and the Bears buzz fizzles like a wet sparkler, we're reminded Chicago has other teams with proud traditions of winning once in a while. Today we look back on an unfortunate soul who found himself on the fringes of some of those victories.
“It’s no secret we’ve been shopping Jay [Cutler] and have been unsuccessful in the process,” admitted Pace. “His bloated contract and lack of supporting credentials has clearly handcuffed our ability to improve. However, when news of this championship broke, it undoubtedly boosted his market value overnight!”
Kane casually asks bartender how much, hypothetically, it would cost to fill Stanley Cup with a frozen margarita
"I'm just asking for a friend, like, would you just fill it up for free, or would it be a few hundred bucks, you know, if you made a margarita big enough to fit inside the Stanley Cup. Not that I would fill the Stanley Cup with a frozen margarita, even though that does sound delicious and refreshing, but, like, you know, I'm just wondering. If you would do it. I mean could do it. Hypothetically."
Keith's boundless speed and endurance, despite playing an average of 31 minutes per game, has lead to an array of rumors that he is indeed a cyborg that traveled through space in order to eliminate mortal enemies Pekka Rinne, Zach Parise, Ryan Kessler and Steven Stamkos.
While any out of state Chicago Blackhawks fans are barred entry to the arena Wednesday night, any bandwagon Lightning fans are welcome to attend the game and wear the Steven Stamkos jersey they bought yesterday.
Adding to the increased hospitality for visiting fans, United Center concessions will serve stick skewered possum with a side of deep fried alligator snout, play at least one Florida Georgia Line song between periods, and hold a petting zoo with swamp creatures resembling Anaheim Ducks forward Corey Perry.