"I've been to Kohl's two dozen times already. I'm not kidding you. We've tried royal blue, space blue, cornflower blue, sky, sapphire, air force blue, navy ... Did you know there's one called pigeon blue? Pigeon blue?!"
The Chicago Cubs have put out a $1 million reward to anyone who can snap a picture of their stone-faced ace, Kyle Hendricks, in the act of smiling.
Highly sought after free agent and Chuck Norris’ long-lost son, Jake Arrieta, has agreed to re-sign with the Cubs on the condition that he can wear a Smedium-sized jersey.
The Cubs' path to the NLCS just got a bit easier after Nationals' superstar, Bryce Harper, was scratched from the lineup for game 4 Tuesday after sustaining a shower-related injury in which he used shampoo that didn't contain conditioner.
In a stunning announcement by the Cubs today, the Ricketts family extended a 2016 World Series championship ring to exiled super fan Steve Bartman. But lost in the fine print were details on the other commemorative rings the team discretely opted to issue.
While Cubs GM Jim Hendry left many Cubs fans surprised by his decision not to part with valuable trade pieces before the July 31st deadline, Buster Olney has reported that Hendry also turned down numerous trade offers made for his Pogs collection from 1994.