Cubs GM Jim Hendry has had a very busy early off-season, making major moves by re-signing cornerstone Aramis Ramirez and possibly catching the biggest fish in the free agent pool, outfielder Alfonso Soriano. Not only will these signings ensure the Cubs have one of the more potent offensive lineups in baseball, but it will also give the North Siders two players who love to watch the flight of their own home runs.

Ramirez, however, is not threatened by the latest addition.

"Ever since 2003, I have made it my goal to admire every fly ball I hit," Ramirez said. "I know Soriano has a reputation of standing in the box and staring at the ball when he goes deep, but I feel his presence on the team will only motivate me to be that much more of a ham."

Hendry foresees the competition between the team’s stars to carry over to other aspects of their respective games.

"In the past three weeks, the Cubs have spent more than $210 million on two players who hate to hustle. I don’t expect these players to be running out a grounder or breaking up a double play anytime soon."

Ramirez has rededicated himself to maintaining his status as team showboat, exemplified by his new winter training regiment.

"It's my goal to put on 15 lbs of gut before I report to spring training. I also talked to my jeweler; I’m going to be wearing more bling than Mr. T. Bring it on, Alfonso." 

By Tim Butterly