The Cubs today announced their desire to sign the angry Iraqi journalist who heaved a pair of shoes at President Bush during a press conference yesterday, saying he could be a key bullpen addition.

"Everyone who watched our last two playoff meltdowns knows our pitchers couldn't deliver under pressure," said Hendry. "We could certainly use that guy in our bullpen. Do you think he's a lefty?"

Unfortunately for Hendry, video footage of the incident reveals the the angry journalist, Muntadhar al Zaidi, is a righty. Also unfortunate for Hendry is that al-Zaidi is currently being interrogated by the CIA, with his release coming no time soon. Still, Hendry isn't phased.

"He delivered two perfect strikes at pretty high velocity," said Hendry. "Sure he's probably being waterboarded right now, but that will only make him tougher once we sign him. Somebody's got to take Bob Howry's spot."

By Brad Zibung, founder and editor in chief