Full cast and crew have yet to be announced, but a few names have been confirmed. Justin Bieber will star as the loveable, boyish, youthful team president, Theo Epstein. Jim Belushi will also star as an unemployed, down and out comic actor turned bleacher bum.
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“I spoke to Mark [Prior] and we both agree Dusty needs a few to the face,” said Wood “It’s what every fan of the Cubs dreams of.”
A bit of house cleaning has begun in the wake of season-long struggles by Cub pitchers, Starlin Castro and a few other fielders to get the ball cleanly to first base. As of today, the organization has let go of long-time Tossing-Ball-to-First-Base Coach Bobby Bumpkin.
The BP Crosstown Cup went missing this weekend, and foul play was suspected. Throughout the Cubs-Sox series, the Cup was occasionally seen on television being defaced, used as a giant beer mug, and brandished as a blunt weapon by drunken fans.
Like Kerry Wood, I started out my career going the distance, writing columns as long as 500 words, and once wrote a 1,400 word column while I was drunk. The Heckler went ahead and published that entire column.
Hysteria over this weekend’s NATO conference in Chicago reached new heights Friday morning when a Wrigleyville pregame party was broken up by cops who mistook visiting White Sox fans for rough-around-the-edges NATO protesters.
Dozens of packed buses started to make their way into town Wednesday night; from Tinley Park to Evanston, Kankakee to Kenilworth, activists are geared up to let the leaders of these two teams know what they want.
The Lottery launched its latest ploy of preying on loyal Chicago baseball fans by introducing Cubs and White Sox instant tickets. But, those playing may not realize that each ticket is inherently an “instant loser” with a faint glimmer of hope.
Adam “The Big Donkey” Dunn offers some helpful advice to struggling slugger Albert Pujols. By Rick Atkinson
“I’ve got to replace the current bullpen with one that doesn’t suck,” said Epstein. “Pretty much everyone’s got to go. Maybe we can put them on the DL with a phantom injury like we did Marmol?
“I was trying to warm up a lefty in case coach wanted to play the match-up,” said Randy Renfro, the bullpen catcher for the Atlanta Braves. “But I couldn’t concentrate once I saw that they were playing an old episode of Family Ties. I just love Michael J. Fox. And that guy who played Skippy? What a dork!”
