“We are in a peak period for the game,” said NHL commissioner Gary Bettman. “16 teams will make the playoffs, and 14 teams will miss the playoffs and that is certainly a factual statement about the NHL that cannot be disputed. Please don’t ask me to elaborate further.”
Just minutes after his Cubs locked up the 2016 World Series Anthony Rizzo’s cell phone started blowing up with texts from Blackhawks goalie Corey Crawford. “I was like ‘Anthony, I [expletive deleted] got this bro,'” said Crawford. “Let me write you’re mother [expletive deleted] rally speech. I’ll write the speeches for everyone on the mother […]
For the first time in years, baseball is the most relevant sport in Chicago on May 1. The Blackhawks have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, ending their season. This has led to some startling revelations for Hawks fans.
“I called up Joe, looking for maybe a bit of advice,” said Quenneville on Tuesday. “Wouldn’t you know it, he said he was hosting a family of magicians for dinner and we had a little conference call. It was enlightening.”
“This commissioner gig is pretty sweet if you can get it,” said Bettman. “I must admit, it certainly makes me chuckle thinking how mad Johnny must be, with his little serious cheeks, and that he’s too weak to summon the energy."
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