“I identify more as a Simone. That name is just gold right now,” Lochte shared. “I’m also thinking I'd be pretty rad at weightlifting or gymnastics.”
Believe it or not, a Winter Olympics just happened in Sochi, Russia. The valiant souls who attempted to live there for a couple weeks were treated to ideal (spring) weather, living conditions that could best be described as “funhouse-like” and the constant threat of Costas-melting death water. While we missed out on our dream of […]
“After my last concussion, the speech therapist had me pronouncing the words, ‘Sami,' 'Kimmo' and 'Lasse,'” American left winger Max Pacioretty said. “Little did I know guys with those names would be kicking my ass up and down Main Street.”
“I see where the Cubs are going with this,” International Olympics Committee Chairman Marcus Lantham said upon reviewing the Cubs application. “No one can lose in ways so devastating to their fans and at exactly the worst of moments as the Cubs can.”
“The thing is, in biathlon, with such a small caliber bullet, you have to really compensate for the wind rattling it around. As you can imagine, even for the strongest women with the most toned hindquarters, that level of concentration needed is tough to maintain after skiing for several kilometers at a world-class speed.”
This isn't the only example of Hellman wasting the collective nation's time. He has objected to more than 20 weddings, he constantly asks additional, pointless questions at the end of meetings, and he even writes checks to pay for his groceries.