The Cubs were less than two innings into the defense of their world championship when one lifelong fan unleashed his first complaint about the team.
"When we started looking at the type of game we'd like to become, it really seemed a lot like rec league softball," said Commissioner Rob Manfred, "so we are just going to adopt all our rules from there."
“With all the talks of billy goats, curses and infographics on how cheap gas was during the last Cubs’ title, we feel that we have been severely mistreated by ESPN and other large media outlets,” said owner Tom Ricketts.
"Our team has a lot of work to do and our ultimate goal is to win the Super Bowl," Fox stated. "Whether that goal is reached this year, it's really hard to say. It's not that I can't say. The words are just really hard to get out of my mouth."