"This is why you put on the surgical mask and gloves," said team surgeon Michael Benson. "No offense to the other guys on the roster, but the chance to work with Derrick is a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"Fred was nice enough to introduce us to the NBA All-Stars on the Bulls," Niag said. "Derrick Rose taught all of us what it means to be an NBA star and how much work you have to put in ... and how occasionally you need to rest."
"The pain is unreal!" Butler shouted as he fell to the floor of the Wells Fargo Center's visiting team's locker room. "I knew this would happen eventually, but there was no way I could prepare for it."
Former teammate Scottie Pippen, who has been in a similar role with the team since 2012, was none too happy to hear of Kukoc’s hiring. As a form of protest, Pippen sat out the last 1.8 seconds of the team’s regular Monday morning staff meeting at the United Center.
“It hurts. It really hurts, man,” Butler told the Chicago Sun-Times. “Where’s a 50-something year-old, overweight guy with a really bad comb-over supposed to get a job making 4 or 5 million dollars a year these days?”
Sources say Bulls GM John Paxson is set to name Iowa State's Fred Hoibery as the team's new coach they'll fire in three to five years, replacing the hugely successful Tom Thibodeau, who was bounced after five seasons of .600-plus basketball.
“Dave [Broome] and I were sitting around wondering if we’d ever get someone to push the contestants to the limit like Jillian [Michaels]. The show hasn't been the same since she left and we needed a bulldozer. Dave threw out Coach Thibs' name and we both stopped and knew we had to have him. Once the season was over we hired him immediately,” said NBC executive producer, Ben Silverman.