“We are in a peak period for the game,” said NHL commissioner Gary Bettman. “16 teams will make the playoffs, and 14 teams will miss the playoffs and that is certainly a factual statement about the NHL that cannot be disputed. Please don’t ask me to elaborate further.”
“This commissioner gig is pretty sweet if you can get it,” said Bettman. “I must admit, it certainly makes me chuckle thinking how mad Johnny must be, with his little serious cheeks, and that he’s too weak to summon the energy."
“We have to be more careful about which celebrity so-called ‘fans’ we let into our cheering sections,” said U.S. goalie Tim Howard. “The bandwagon is only big enough to support serious fans who want to get into soccer, our teams, and our countries. However, we must draw the line at these celebrity frontrunners.”
Believe it or not, a Winter Olympics just happened in Sochi, Russia. The valiant souls who attempted to live there for a couple weeks were treated to ideal (spring) weather, living conditions that could best be described as “funhouse-like” and the constant threat of Costas-melting death water. While we missed out on our dream of […]
“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”