Sure, the Knicks have made the playoffs the last two years, but their start this season has been exceptional. Coach Mike Woodson’s squad is undefeated (7-0) at MSG this season, giving the Knicks faithful much reason to cheer. However, having dealt with extreme futility for much of the last 10 years of Knicks basketball, fans don’t really know how they are supposed to react while their team destroys opponents.

“Ya know, my Knicks are playing really good basketball right now,” said Paulie Caruzzione, a fan from the Lower East Side. “I know it’s better when they win these ballgames, but what the hell am I supposed to do when I’m at the games, watching them win? For most of my adult life, this team has been garbage, and I got accustomed to booing and stuff when Isiah was the coach and they would lose. So even when they win now, I boo. That’s all I know. Is that wrong or something?”

The Knicks game operations staff has pulled out all the stops to get tormented long-time fans of the team to cheer, not boo, when the team is doing well, but all their attempts have been to no avail. Signs, gift cards given to those who cheer, a money-launcher to a whole section that cheers, and even threats of arrest for those who boo during wins haven’t altered the mentality of Knicks fans. Commissioner David Stern is looking into the matter.

“I’m really fine, I could go out and play tomorrow if the the team needed me,” said Smith at the Knicks practice facility while standing on crutches. “I was just enjoying some good-ole fun with the girls at Isiah’s and an accident happened. Not as big a deal as y’all are making it out to be. I’m at Isiah’s every day when we’re in New York and I get bumps and bruises from time to time, but I still play through them on the court. This one may be more serious, but I’ll get through. Peace!”

Knicks coach Mike Woodson wouldn’t comment on the situation but a few Knicks players were, off the record, heard hysterically laughing after they heard the news about Smith with Carmelo Anthony, the team’s star small forward, remarking that maybe “J.R. got a little more than he could handle, if you know what I mean.” The NBA said they are investigating Smith’s accident privately.

A native of the Queensbridge projects, Nas, whose real name is Nasir Jones, grew up with two passions in life, rap music and Knicks basketball.

“It’s all I had to keep me from drowning in the ghetto life,” said the six-time platinum rapper. “The Knicks mean more to me than the Nets mean to Jay, I can’t tell you that. My word in my bond.”

Jones, who once had a famous feud… or “beef” to the unhip, with Nets’ minority owner Jay-Z, said he felt it was time to rekindle the rivalry.

“Hov owns about 1 percent of the Nets. He paid for like 10 wood panels on the court, a hotdog stand and one-64th of Deron Williams,” said Nas. “I was sick of seeing him strut around like he’s (Mikhail) Prokhorov, so I sold the original masters to Illmatic, and got myself a piece of the Knicks.”

The Knicks plan to unveil their new slogan, “Hey Manhattan,” during a Nas and friends concert on October 28th at the Garden, in which the rapper will officially sign the documents that make him part of the family.

“We’re thrilled,” said James Dolan as he read from a prepared press release. “Nas is a staple of our city and has always been in a New York state of mind. We’re happy to have him aboard for our championship run in 2013. How does that ether taste, Mr. Z?”

When asked his thoughts on the Knicks’ roster for the upcoming season, Nas beamed, “I like it a lot. There’s a lot of skill, balance, and D. Stat and Melo are primed for a big run … I don’t think I would have signed Rasheed Wallace’s old ass though.”

Dolan, who has always been known to favor the Knicks over the Rangers, was overheard heralding Knicks GM Glen Grunwald for his acquisition of Steve Nash.

“We find it best to just let him think what he wants to think,” said an anonymous employee of Dolan’s. “It’s like his ears have a Knicks filter. Everything is about the Knicks. Eventually he’ll realize this was a hockey move, but for now, we’ll let him be.”

Dolan, who was vacationing in Turks and Caicos at the time of the Rick Nash trade, released a comment to the Daily News about the phantom Steve Nash pick-up.

“This is why we didn’t sign what’s his face, that Asian guy, I was holding out hope for Nash,” Dolan stated. “Steve is my second favorite point guard after my great friend, Isiah [Thomas], and it’s a thrill to finally get him to New York.”

Rangers President and GM Glen Sather just shrugged and laughed when he heard of his boss’s misunderstanding.

“I actually don’t think he realizes he still owns the Rangers,” Sather said while teeing off on the 14th at Beth Page Golf Course in Long Island. “We just added a perennial 30-goal scorer in his prime to a team that was a couple wins short of the Cup final. Let him think the Knicks got another 40-year-old.”

Neither Nash was available for comment.

The plan is to market Raymond Felton, a doughy player with a reputation for showing up at camp “unbelievably out of shape,” to the obese-American community. The Knicks have adopted a similar program used by various airlines, who force passengers over 300 pounds to purchase two tickets.

“It’s a genius idea really,” said Knicks GM Glen Grunwald. “No disrespect to Asian-Americans, but I’d rather have heavy people buying two tickets a pop to come watch Ray. Not only that, we plan to add a special “fat tax” to each ticket. Mayor Bloomberg actually insisted on it. From a monetary stand point it just makes sense.”

Grunwald also pointed out that concession sales would quadruple in their latest projections.

“Well obviously, our food vendors would sell out nightly,” Grunwald continued. “But the real money is in the booze. I don’t condone drunk driving … but this is New York City. No one drives. I hope this isn’t insensitive to say, but Jason’s DUI was a blessing.”

Still, Knicks fans are baffled by the decision to let Lin walk. Not only was he huge with Asian-Americans, his jersey was the No. 1 seller in Asia.

“All fair points,” admitted Grunwald. “But do me this … Think about how many Asians are in New York. There’s a lot, right? Now think about how many fat alcoholics there are. I think we’ll be just fine.”

“I didn’t have the Breathylizer in the car because it was in the shop,” arresting East Hampton, NY police officer Bill Berard said. “But since he had just signed with a terrible franchise and the car was wrapped around a tree, we can all figure out what happened. You gotta be drunk to voluntarily team up with those guys.”

By Rob C. Christiansen

Reports state the players agreed to a solidarity pact in which each of them would punch something like their captain, Amar’e Stoudemire. Some believe their fear of being swept by LeBron James and Heat was the main reason for their actions.

Carmelo Anthony, often described as selfish, once again lived up to the criticism by opting not to force his fist into any inanimate objects.

“If your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge would you follow ‘em?” Melo asked. “I’m a superstar. Superstars ain’t gotta do what everyone else do. I need my right hand to sign my fat paychecks, son!”

Landry Fields attempted to punch a Miami palm tree, but missed, instead falling face forward to the pavement and suffering a mild concussion, which he claimed was “what he meant to do.”

Baron Davis was going to punch something, but it was revealed he had 13 other pre-existing injuries already.

Tyson Chandler injured his palm when he instinctively blocked Mike Bibby’s hand from punching a brick wall, also breaking Bibby’s wrist in the process.

Steve Novak, and J.R. Smith, who have become fast friends this season, decided it would be best if they punched each other. Novak suffered a broken orbital bone, a fractured wrist, and lost three teeth. Smith lost the nail on his pinky finger, an injury that he claims “still wouldn’t prevent him from shooting the ball 40 times a game.”

When asked if he agreed with his players’ actions, coach Mike Woodson simply shrugged, and said, “We weren’t gonna win this series healthy, at least now we can make excuses. Oh and believe me, I wasn’t expecting a contract extension anyway.”

“I’m excited to bring St. Nash to the top of the league and bring this community, and myself, a championship,” D’Antoni said at his introductory team meeting, held in the basement of starting point guard Tommy Antholin. “Since I am so good at turning teams into winners, I have no doubts that I can do the same with this squad. Disregard all of your previous defensive notions, philosophies, and ideas because I’m changing all of them. This team’s new slogan is ’50 points or bust’!”

The addition of D’Antoni didn’t come without controversy as some members of the St. Nash Parish disliked the hiring, claiming that D’Antoni stinks and never wins championships anywhere he goes.

“This dude is an idiot and shouldn’t be anywhere near a basketball court,” Michael Fields, dad of starting small forward Larry Fields, said. “St. Nash hasn’t been good in awhile and won’t get better with this bum coaching. We need someone smart like Phil Jackson instead.”

“It goes beyond the last name, man. Magic is a L.A. legend, just like I’m a New York legend,” said Larry, widely regarded as a “decent Knick.” “He’s blazing the trail, and I’m jumping aboard. I see this as a good way for the NBA and MLB to integrate.”

Forbes estimates the Mets’ worth at around $800 million, but that didn’t stop Johnson from making his offer. An offer that Fred Wilpon has already called “laughably insulting.”

“I believe my connection to NY is worth the $798 million difference that this Forbes dude is talking about,” Johnson continued. “Does the ‘4 point play’ ring a bell? And I’ll even throw out the first pitch dressed as Grandmama on Opening Day. You can’t buy that type of press.”

When asked to expand on why his offer was so low, Johnson let some of his negotiating tactics slip.

“Alright, alright. I low-balled em a bit. Truth is we think the franchise is worth something like $6 million, but there needs to be a little meat on the bone for me.” Johnson said. “I’ve been watching a lot of Pawn Stars to prepare, and the highest I’ma go is $3.5.”

Whether Larry chooses to believe it or not, the Mets aren’t expected to be sold anytime soon. With $2 million “burning a hole in his pocket,” Johnson has stated that if the Mets sale falls through, he may look into purchasing the WNBA, and promises that if his backup plan comes true, he’ll try his hardest to make a comeback as Grandmama.

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