NHL News
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Justin Bieber placed on suicide watch after Heat, Kings lose
Nobody took the near-simultaneous losses harder than Heat/Kings diehard fan Justin Bieber.
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Shocking drop in television ratings for Hawks fourth playoff game against Kings
With more than 300,000 viewers watching game three, ratings plummeted more than 33 percent to fewer than 200,000 during the Hawks dramatic 3-2 win in the fourth game.
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Roberto Luongo apprehended outside United Center while wearing Jonathan Quick mask
As everyone would come to find out, it actually was not Quick manning the net for the Kings in Game 2. A lowly-paid janitor discovered Quick tied up and gagged in the bowels of the United Center shortly after the final horn sounded.
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Hawks fans surprised team has not yet won Stanley Cup
“What do you mean there are more games?” asked long-time Hawks fan, Doug Jameson, who was watching the game from Cunneen’s bar in Rogers Park. “They just beat Detroit in seven, man. What else do they [NHL] freakin’ want?”
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Magic in the air at Wrigley when Cubs and Sox fans stood in solidarity shouting ‘DETROIT SUCKS!’
“It was Denis Savard,” said one Cubs fan, wiping a tear from her eye. “He sang ‘take me out to the ballgame’ during the 7th Inning Stretch. He opened our eyes and made us see what was really important in this world. Not this simple game between two mediocre baseball teams, but the Stanley Cup! It’s really all about the Cup!”
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Blackhawks revitalized after team swim in Detroit River
Vowing to acquit themselves after losing three of five playoff games to the Red Wings and fighting to stay alive in the series, the Blackhawks organized a team swim in the Detroit River prior to Game 6 in the Motor City, which many are crediting with their resurgence in Monday night’s thrilling 4-3 win.
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Guy who hated Corey Crawford last week wants to have his babies now
“Craw had such an awesome run this weekend,” said Teal, who only days ago was calling for Ray Emery to not only replace Crawford but to assassinate him. “Between Saturday at the United Center and Monday at the Joe, I’ve really come around on him. He’s the best goalie on the planet!”
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Susannah Collins admits to placing curse on Blackhawks
“She said that eight-legged creatures would rain from the sky,” said UC employee Sam McAllister. “Sounded like gibberish to me. Then she yelled something about the Hawks never winning as long as the zebras ruled the land. I laughed. It makes me cry a little to think that I laughed.”
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Pierre McGuire confesses he’s from New Jersey
Born in the town of Englewood, McGuire told entertainment television show TMZ. “I just can’t hide it anymore. I’m a true Jersey boy. Even worse, I now live in Connecticut.”
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Blackhawks bandwagon fans eliminated from playoffs after Game 3 loss to Detroit
Droves of bandwagon Blackhawks fans have been eliminated from the playoffs after Monday night’s 3-1 defeat in Detroit, putting Chicago down 2-1 in the best-of-seven series. “God damn Crawford! Get your head out of your ass,” wrote one fan on Facebook who has a Blackhawks logo for his profile pic. “This series is officially over. See [...]
