“Football? I’m a platform tennis player and big fan of canasta,” said committee member Mildred Randolph-Barclay, sixth circuit court magistrate judge from Greenwich, CT. “I spend my fall weekends in the Hamptons.”
ESPN’s David Pollack wants Condoleezza Rice replaced with Ron Burgundy on playoff selection committee
“Ron Burgundy is on record as being a man who invented the wheel and who loves drinking scotch," said Pollack. "Also, he has bits of real-life panther mixed into his cologne. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to determine if Alabama should get the #1 seed in a college football playoff than that man.”
Bo Pelini apologizes for offending ‘all of the inbred hillbilly redneck trailer trash fans who support the Nebraska Cornhuskers’
“I want to tell all you hayseeds, rubes and country bumpkins from the bottom of my heart how sorry I am for casting a pall upon your miserable moonshine drinking, roto-tilling, cow-tipping lives,” said Pelini.
Disgusted by their close friend Johnny Manziel’s hard partying ways, and worried that he could be headed down a path of no return, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Amanda Bynes all decided to stage an intervention for Johnny Manziel at his apartment in College Station.
An overly exuberant Brent Musburger is facing potential disciplinary action again from ABC after he lost control while calling the Georgia-Clemson game this past weekend. After Tajh Boyd of Clemson threw the second of his three touchdown passes, an excited Musburger turned to his broadcasting colleague, Kirk Herbstreit and said, “Hey Kirk, what just happened? […]
After the University of Illinois barely beat Southern Illinois in the Illini first game of the college football season, angry fans and alumni took to Green Street in Champaign. They demanded the firing of head coach Tim Beckman and the rehiring of Ron Zook, who was let go by the university in 2011.
As the Northwestern Wildcats football team gears up for their season opener against Cal on Saturday night, students at the prestigious Evanston college were ecstatic to find their team ranked by AP, the coaches poll, and ESPN, each of whom have them as the 7 multiplied by π best team in the nation (or (4!)-2 in factorials).
“The responsibilities of the Board are awesome in nature,” Limbaugh said in a university press release. “The Board sets the curriculum for teaching arrogance to new Notre Dame students, and works with school officials to weed out anyone on campus who might show the slightest bit of humility.”