NCAA News
North Carolina also bans marriage between Blue Devils and Tar Heels
Earlier this week, the people of North Carolina passed Amendment 1, which many believed was just a ban on gay marriage. But it has now been revealed that this amendment could also undercut child custody arrangements, jeopardize hospital visiting rights, and most surprisingly – it bans marriage between graduates of Duke University and the University of North Carolina.
Petrino fired for being a terrible motorcycle rider
“This is the South,” said a clearly shaken Long. “We expect our leaders to be able to do certain things, and handling a motorcycle with someone who’s not your wife on the back is certainly one of them. I get sick to my stomach every time I read an article that says Coach Petrino ‘laid down his motorcycle’ after he lost control. What the hell is that?”
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Petrino comes clean, says he was trying to shake unwanted rider off his bike
“I did not ride a motorcycle with that woman–Jessica Dorrell,” Petrino said as he pointed a finger at the television cameras. “I was riding along and she appeared on my back seat. I did my best to shake her off and the bike got away from me.”
Calipari says no to NBA because of refusal to work within a salary cap
After some high-fives and chest bumps, Calipari thought long and hard over this decision. After all, he has already been to the NBA, and failed once before.
Anthony Davis to endorse ‘Wooly Willy’ toyline
Fresh off being named Most Outstanding Player of the Final Four and a National Championship, Kentucky freshman Anthony Davis has landed his first big endorsement deal. The future NBA star will be the new “Wooly Willy.”
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Calipari forfeits 2012 title before NCAA makes him vacate it
Minutes after accepting the 2012 NCAA men’s basketball championship Monday night, Kentucky coach John Calipari forfeited the title, citing the inevitable rule violations that will be uncovered in the coming months.
Shamed Calipari promises ‘professional rioters’ in wake of disappointing Lexington showing
“I’m truly sorry to our university,” said a distraught Calipari. “I spent all my time and resources recruiting professional basketball players. I totally forgot to recruit some real pros to celebrate. I mean, once this title gets vacated, what else are people going to remember?”
Weber first coach in NCAA history to get fired and land a better job
“Look, I’m as shocked as any of you are,” Weber said to a group of reporters. “I don’t have any business coaching here, but I’m going to get this program down to mid-major level within a couple of years. At least that’s my goal.”
Illini release helpful pronunciation guide for fans as they introduce new coach
The release said: “Coach Groce’s name is pronounced ‘gross,’ as in the feeling fans had watching our department attempt to fill this position over the past month.”
Illinois hires Groce after being rejected by local YMCA coach
“We’ve just started teaching the girls about rebounding,” said Farlucci. “Plus Shaka Smart got $3 million. What am I, chopped liver?”
