NCAA News
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Northwestern basketball coach hopes to convert nerds into athletes
“It’s just too hard to find smart athletes, so I am gonna see if smart kids can play ball,” he said.
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New Catholic Conference mistakenly adds College of Cardinals as member
The mistake is being blamed on a 25-year-old representative for the conference, who saw stories online about the selection of the new Pope. Incorrectly believing the gathering of several hundred Cardinals was an actual university, he included them in the the conference.
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Manziel taking classes by telepathy
Eyebrows were raised recently when it was reported earlier this week that 2012 Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was taking college classes online and was only on campus once a month. A spokesperson representing the Texas A&M freshman denied the report saying that Manziel is doing coursework, not online, but through mental telepathy.
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Chicago high school basketball powerhouse Simeon moving to ACC
The high school’s principal said the move was made after Simeon, along with Duke, Kansas, Indiana and Florida, finished with a Top 5 recruiting class.
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Illinois basketball coach unable to afford proper clothing for son
“Yes, I make a lot of money but it’s still tough to make ends meet in this terrible economy,” said Groce. “Up until just a few weeks ago we were sending Conner and Camden to school in burlap sacks and homemade cardboard shoes.”
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Illini basketball coach admits he only looked at half of schedule before signing
“It looked like a piece of cake,” said Groce, whose team faces top five Michigan on Sunday with a 2-4 record in the Big Ten. “I felt like I was back in the MAC, fooling people by shooting a bunch of shots and playing no defense.”
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Manti Te’o revealed to be 45-year-old white man from North Dakota
“I got bored with my life back in Bismarck where I worked as a CPA,” said Phillips aka Te’o. “So some friends and I decided I should concoct a new identity for myself and get a fresh start life elsewhere.”
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Badgers players confused by the number of times Alvarez’s Rose Bowl game plan calls for handoff to Ron Dayne
“I’m sure Barry was a great coach back in the Stone Ages or whenever, but we’re all a little concerned he’s not with it anymore,” said RB James White. “In practice all he keeps saying is how we’ve got to pound the ball up the middle 35 times a game with Ron Dayne, whoever that is.”
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No Heisman for Te’o, but Notre Dame does vote him next Pope
That white smoke rising from the golden dome in South Bend, Indiana isn’t a riot because Manti Te’o didn’t win the Heisman. It is, instead, the smoke from the University of Notre Dame voting Te’o the next Pope.
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Bielema headed to Arkansas because their colors match his wardrobe
“Well, thankfully they’re the same colors, I don’t have to waste time shopping. Ain’t nobody got time for that,” said Bielema. “It’s an SEC school, so who cares if they’ve become even more of a joke while I’m there? I’d rather be a loser in the SEC than a winner by default in the Big Ten.”
