NBA News
Derrick Rose ‘sick and tired’ of messed up orders
Derrick Rose is fed up with the way some employees in the city are serving his food order.
C.J. Watson steals D-Rose’s minutes, girlfriend and unborn baby
Coming off his best performance of the season and stealing an ineffective Derrick Rose’s minutes down the stretch against the Heat, C.J. Watson wasn’t finished. He followed up the Bulls overtime victory by stealing Rose’s girlfriend and proclaiming himself to be the “surrogate father” of Rose’s unborn child.
Mike D’Antoni hired to coach 5th-grade CYO team in Queens
“I’m excited to bring St. Nash to the top of the league and bring this community, and myself, a championship,” D’Antoni said at his introductory team meeting, held in the basement of starting point guard Tommy Antholin.
NBA approves 8-inch headband for LeBron
With a hairline that has receded faster than the bank accounts of players during the lockout, the usually strict NBA has decided to amend their dress code to allow a special eight-inch head band just for superstar LeBron James.
D-Rose now just one body part away from getting ‘Injury Bingo’
After missing Tuesday’s game with an ankle injury, a clearly excited Derrick Rose told reporters that he is now just one body part away from getting “Injury Bingo.”
Jobless Lamar Odom to open up his own DASH clothing store
After a lackluster season in Dallas, the Mavericks have had enough. Odom will now venture off into a new direction, opening up and running his wife’s clothing store DASH.
Rip Hamilton to don body armor
In order to keep Hamilton ready for LeBron James and the Miami Heat, Bulls GM Gar Foreman has announced Rip will be playing with an NBA approved, full body, armored suit.
Calipari says no to NBA because of refusal to work within a salary cap
After some high-fives and chest bumps, Calipari thought long and hard over this decision. After all, he has already been to the NBA, and failed once before.
John Lucas III to fill in for injured Benny the Bull in playoffs
Bulls mascot and fan favorite Benny the Bull will have to miss out on entertaining the fans during home playoff games. Benny is set to undergo surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff, suffered from abuse to his shoulder after repeated half court shot attempts. Assuming Derrick Rose is healthy for the playoffs, back up guard John Lucas III is set to fill in as Benny.
‘Human Victory Cigar’ Brian Scalabrine to be shot out of cannon at Bulls halftime
“I wave the towel, pat guys on the bottom and even tell Boozer to guard someone,” said Scalabrine. “I am all about team. If stuffing me into a cannon and exploding me across our home court into a small netting can gives us an edge … I’m all for it!”
