At a Mirage Hotel press conference, home town heroes Harper and Bryant explained why they will now continue the legacy of iconic Las Vegas illusionists Siegfried & Roy rather than play baseball.
“Whoo-hoo! Did you SEE that win? The Ramblers are my team!” exclaimed Belushi by Skype, sporting his new, fresh-from-the-bookstore-via-FedEx Loyola t-shirt and brightly colored scarf. “And they always have been, in my sweet home Chicago.”
God took a break from trying to fix the world today to send a message to all the NCAA basketball tournament teams that are not Loyola: “I’m not helping you.”
"Chicago native Dwyane Wade sunk two critical free throws to defeat his non-hometown former team Thursday night, and one just has to be reminded that Wade, who grew up in Chicago, must have had mixed feelings," began an article on ESPN.com.
“It’s true I know the rules better than anyone and can play-ref this game blindfolded,” claims Sherman. “Unfortunately, I also see this as an opportunity for the league to suspend or fine me double every week.”
"This is a best of seven series," said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. "We have TV deals in place, player contract stipulations must be enforced and I'd personally like to see LeBron [James] just destroy Toronto's will to live, to be honest."
"Concussions. Arrests. Even those HGH rumors. This brutal display of athletics on the game's biggest stage has done more to tarnish our sport than any of those other issues," said commissioner Roger Goodell. "Hell, the fact I'm still running this league should be the most embarrassing part of today's festivities. But now? Nope. Not even close."