Lakers News
Metta World Peace brandishes gun, changes name to ‘Metta World Piece’
“I’ve played the feel-good card and it’s super lame,” World Piece said. “No one respects a tree-hugging hippie, but when I flash my piece at James Harden on the court, you better believe people will recognize.”
Magic courts Pat Riley for GM to create ‘Showtime Dodgers’
Magic Johnson has wasted little time in trying to turn around his recently acquired L.A Dodgers. He is attempting to lure his former Lakers head coach Pat Riley as general manager. Johnson seeks out Riley not for his baseball prowess or lack thereof, but rather his ability to bring a certain culture and swag to the teams he runs.
Jordan offers his mansion for free to anyone who can beat him in a game of horse
“I’m just tired of playing basketball here all by myself and need to move out of this place,” said Jordan. “So I would like to give the opportunity for someone to play me in a game of HORSE, and if they beat me, I will give my home away free of charge.”
Lakers GM offers Pau Gasol to Starbucks barista in trade for grande latte
“I’ve been doing this job for more than 10 years, and still I’m stuck with this single-cup coffee maker,” said Kupchak. “You know the kind where you put the little pouch into the thing and a minute later it spits out this swill that I’m convinced strips the enamel off your teeth.”
Shaq miffed at Blake Griffin for stealing his pathetic free throw percentage
Never one to shy away from a public feud — most famously with Kobe Bryant and most recently with Dwight Howard — it appears Shaquille O’Neal has his dander up again, and this time it’s Blake Griffin earning the ire of the Big Contrarian.
Mike Brown to impose ‘shot tax’ on Kobe after 30 attempts
“This shot tax is similar to the luxury tax levied on teams,” said Brown. “If Kobe goes over the shot cap of 30, he’s paying up. It’ll teach the team how to distribute the ball and not rely on one player.”
Clippers to raise banner commemorating win over Lakers in 9th game of season
The banner will be the first of any kind for the embattled franchise, and will commemorate the Clippers’ 102-94 victory over the Lakers on January 14, 2012.
Lakers fan refuses to stop bitching about how good Lakers would be with Chris Paul
Despite the current NBA season being well under way, Los Angeles native and lifelong Lakers fan Nick Torres refuses to stop bitching about how good the Lakers would be had David Stern not vetoed the three-way trade sending Paul to the purple and gold nearly two months ago.
MJ announces plan to move past Kobe on all-time marriage list
“That makes two,” said Jordan, referring to the number of wives or ex-wives he’ll soon have, compared to Bryant’s paltry one. “I have the rings. I have the wives. What else is there, really?”
