Bulls News
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Thibodeau named to Team USA staff for 2016, hopes to have Rose back by then
“Gee, that’s a tough one,” Thibs said. “I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV, but I would think that four years would be more than sufficient time for a knee injury to heal.”
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Bulls trainer wins NBA award, announces one-year sabbatical in 3D printing
“I’m off to learn 3D printing,” said Tedeschi. “Then I can just print out new players when anyone on the team gets hurt.”
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Dwight Howard to sign with first team that lets him have ice cream for dinner
“When I was with the Lakers, they always told me that I could have ice cream after I ate my vegetables,” the 6’11” center told reporters. “I hate broccoli! It’s gross. I wanted to eat a pint of rocky road for dinner, and they never let me.”
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Boozer appears on ‘Sesame Street’ to teach meaning of the word ‘amnesty’
“Normally amnesty means granting freedom to a large group of individuals, but in the case of the NBA, it’s what happens to an really, really overpaid player like me. You see, the team tells me ‘bye bye,’ but I still get paid. Crazy, right?”
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Rose declares himself ready for Game 6 tonight
“It feels good, man. You can’t rush these things, but now I’m finally back to where I can jump, cut, and move the way I know I can. I’m ready to help this team beat the Heat!” a confident Rose said.
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Report: David Stern forced Derrick Rose to fake injury as unofficial suspension for gambling
“Rose’s gambling had just gone out of control. He’s a hyper-competitive guy, and that manifested itself with all-night poker games and off-days spent in casinos, but it really crossed a line when he started betting on games.”
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Chris Bosh denies being a velociraptor, tells reporters ‘NEEEYAHHHHH’
Bosh was clearly upset at the report, viewing it as an insult toward his general appearance and gangliness. He spoke long and eloquently at a press conference to deny these rumors, telling reporters, “NEEEYAHHHH, SCREEE SCREEE AYIYIYIYI NEEEUGHHH.”
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FTD Mother’s Day Special: ‘Derrick’ Rose Bouquet with guaranteed delivery by Mother’s Day 2014
“The awaited return of Derrick Rose has left an entire city in giddy suspense,” said FTD Operations Manager Jeffrey Williams. “We thought with all that hype, why not bypass the predictable Mother’s Day flower delivery and give Mom the gift of prolonged anticipation.”
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Ailing Deng to play in hospital gown Friday night
“Yeah, I’m not feeling well, but I need to be out there with my teammates no matter what,” said Deng. “Watching the last four games from a hospital bed while writhing in pain has really sucked.”
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Hawk Harrelson defends Derrick Rose, praises his ‘TWTS’
“And while most sports stars have TWTW: The Will To Win, Derrick is remarkable in that he has TWTS: The Will To Sit. I’ve never seen anything like it. His resolve is impenetrable.”
