Bears News
Mortified Chicagoans realize Jay Cutler is now their only hope for a championship in the next year
As time ran out on the Bulls’ shocking season-ending loss Thursday night in Philly, Chicagoan Phil Logan came to the startling realization that his fair city’s only real hope for a pro sports championship in the next 12 months rested firmly on the shoulders of surly Bears QB Jay Cutler.
From Cutler to Cubbie Cool-Aid, check out the new shirts at TheHecklerStore.com
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We’ve already got a couple great Jay Cutler Photoshops. Let’s see yours!
Ever-surly Jay Cutler showed his displeasure with photographers snapping pics of his baby momma and tiny doggie how for a walk with him Thursday, as evidenced by the photos found at SB Nation. We’ve already had a few Photoshopped pics of the incident sent to us. Where are yours? Send them out way for your chance to win a few T-shirt or something from thehecklerstore.com.
Phil Emery confused that Bears fans are upset he didn’t draft an offensive linemen
In an interview following the first Angelo-free draft in a decade, new Bears GM Phil Emery revealed to WSCR’s Zach Zaidman that he’s been pleased with how everything has gone since joining the team; but is confused by one thing.
Bears’ offensive line perform as ‘Chicago Matadors’ during halftime of Bulls-76ers game
The Chicago Matadors is a popular “super-sized” dance team that regularly performs to adoring and raucous fans during Bulls games. Hoping to take their routine to the next level for the playoffs, the team sought to add real-life matadors from Spain to the mix. When flights and arrangements became costly, the Bulls PR found a cheaper group of actual matadors in Lake Forest: the Chicago Bears offensive line.
Emery fails first test as Bears GM after drafting guy who’s only ‘marginally good’ at jumping out of a pool
New Bears GM Phil Emery is drawing fire from fans for using a high-round pick on a guy who’s only marginally good at jumping out of a pool, as opposed to former San Diego State DE Jarron Gilbert, a who was picked by Emery’s predecessor and remains most famous for an impressive YouTube clip depicting him jumping out of a pool and landing on his feet.
Angelo plans ‘Occupy Halas Hall’ for upcoming draft
“One percent of the general managers draft 99% of the players out of Abilene Christian,” said Angelo. “Who else will take a chance on these guys? Someone needs to give players from small colleges or with a history of injuries a chance. I have to get back in there.”
TMZ spots Lance Briggs at Golden Corral with Melissa McCarthy
One would think Lance Briggs would be happy now that he signed a one-year extension last week with the Bears, but he is still upset he’s being overshadowed in the local and national media by Brian Urlacher’s new relationship with Jenny McCarthy. So not to be outdone, Lance was seen last night with Melissa McCarthy at the Bolingbrook Golden Coral.
Bears specifically targeting criminals in this year’s draft
Reinforcing the trend of gutsy free-agent pickups in the offseason, the Chicago Bears have decided to flood their roster with former criminal offenders on second strike offenses and above, continuing to flush the statement that NFL players should be positive role models.
Nike revolutionizes NFL uniforms by removing Reebok logo and adding a swoosh
“I mean, what, what is that?” gasped a Bears fan. “Aside from the blue jersey, white pants and helmet with the ‘C’ logo on it, I barely recognize what Brian Urlacher is wearing up there. I need a martini.”
