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The Heckler - Page 2 Archive

Mike North somehow gets a new job that doesn't involve selling hot dogs
Friday, Dec. 4, 2009
News comes after tough 2009 for radio/TV host
As reported in the Tribune late last week, hot dog vendor turned sports radio shock jock turned ignored TV morning show host Mike North is seriously getting another new TV show, this one at CBS-2.
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Nov. 09 issue is out: Cubs sign Kenny Powers; Bears lineman struggle, and much more
Monday, Nov. 16, 2009
Chicago sports news you won't find anywhere else
Great news: The Heckler's November issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.
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Local teen reclaims stolen possessions from 'Monsters in the Morning' set
Tuesday, Oct. 27, 2009
North claims to have bought everything off eBay for less than $100
Jimmy Kain of Lombard was relieved to learn that the contents of his bedroom--stolen two weeks ago in a home burglary--had been located safe and sound on the set of Comcast SportsNet's "Monsters in the Morning" TV show hosted by Mike North.
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Heckler Comic: Will SMU's Run & Shoot finally catch on tonight?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Green Wave is coming: Will the Mustangs survive?
Heckler cartoonist Rick Atkinson asks a question SMU fans everywhere are dying to learn the answer to.
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Sun-Times shuts down just weeks after Mariotti departure
Thursday, Sept. 18, 2008
Paper can't handle loss of infamous sports columnist
The Chicago Sun-Times was forced to close its doors this week as a direct result of sports columnist Jay Mariotti's abrupt resignation late last month.

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Dream Team pledges to win gold if they feel like it
Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2008
Men's basketball team struggles for motivation, even in Olympics
In 2004, the USA Olympic Men's Basketball Dream Team barely beat Lithuania for a bronze medal in an effort that resembled a moody junior high squad on horse tranquilizers. This time around, Team USA has pledged to win gold, so long as they feel like it.
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Olympic athletes prepare for 15 days of fame, lifetime of anonymity
Friday, Aug. 8, 2008
With the 2008 Summer Olympics underway, the competing international athletes are bracing themselves for 15 days of fame.

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The Heckler's August '08 Issue is out
Friday, Aug. 8, 2008
Among the headlines: Scalpers yet to feel impact of recession, Ramirez gets portrait painted while watching HR
The August 2008 edition of The Heckler is out on the streets and is guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. Pick up your free copy in Chicago today, or subscribe and get it delivered to your home, office, email address or prison cell.
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Heckler Chat Room: Today's topic is the Cubs.com Virtual Waiting Room (tm)
Friday, Feb. 22, 2008
Best one-liners wind up in the Heckler Hall of Infamy
Welcome to The Heckler's chat room. Today's topic is the annual frustration fest better-known as the day Cubs tickets go on sale. Now is your chance to let your voice be heard.

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Clemens testifies against wife, has zero chance of getting any Valentine's Day action
Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2008
Friend of Debbie Clemens confident Rocket will spend holiday on the couch
Under oath and risking his entire reputation, Roger Clemens told Congress he has never used steroids or human growth hormone, although his wife has. The admission, used to poke holes in an incriminating testimony from Andy Pettitte, guaranteed Clemens will not have any Valentine's Day sex this year.

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Dale Junior fans get updated tattoos to reflect new number
Monday, Feb. 11, 2008
Also sign up for National Guard in line at tattoo parlor
Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans didn't have much time to celebrate their man's win in the Budweiser Shootout at Daytona Motor Speedway on Saturday. They were rushing to Terminator Ink Tattoo Parlor in Daytona to get their "8" tattoos updated to feature Dale Junior's new number 88.
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Heckler Comic: Bear market in sports for Baylor and South Oak Cliff HS
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Bear market is going up--for Baylor--and down--for South Oak Cliff HS.

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Over|Under with Pete Rose
October 2007
October is finally here, so you know what that means: I can't bet against the Reds until next season. It's too bad, because I made a ton of green the last six months on those losers. You're my dog, Bronson Arroyo! But enough about the regular season—it's playoff time and I've got your October Picks to Click right here, America. Let's gamble!
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Over|Under with Pete Rose
April 2007
I'm sick of it becoming a media event every time I talk about what I've bet on. So let's get it all out of the way. While managing the Reds, I bet on baseball, junior high softball games, cock fights, who shot JR, two-week old Chinese food, the Oscars, high school elections, hobo fights, where Marge Schott's dog would deuce next, players' STD test results and the drinking games at local fraternities. Actually, the only thing I won't bet on is the stock market. My bookie offers the only retirement plan I need. Let's gamble!
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Over | Under with Pete Rose
November 2006
The holidays are approaching, so it's time to win some big money before shopping season. Never underestimate the power of some well-placed Christmas cheer to accomplish your goals. I'm thinking a nice jelly of the month club membership for Hank Aaron might get me into the Hall. Let's gamble!
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Man realizes 'Deliverance' wasn't the best movie to bring on canoeing trip
The Daily Heckle II, Monday, Sept. 25, 2006
The Heckler Outdoor Report
When Ted Holdman found out the cabin he and three others would be staying in had a DVD player, he thought it would be the perfect chance for his friends to watch a critically acclaimed movie. Unfortunately, as Holdman admitted later, watching "Deliverance" the night before a big canoeing trip was not a very good idea.
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Snowboarder shamed by clean drug test
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
'Dude, I'm serious, I was totally high,' claims Seth Skylar
A drug scandal has rocked the snowboarding world, as the results of a recent drug test taken by U.S. Olympian Seth Skylar came back negative.
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U.S. Olympic team excels at sports no one cares about
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Still manages to anger rest of the world
The U.S. 2006 Winter Olympics team is getting the cold shoulder. Primed to seriously compete in more events than ever before, the talented U.S. contingent has simultaneously managed to embarrass itself by demonstrating interest in silly snow sports as well as anger former NATO allies by depriving them of the singular joys they can count on once every four years.
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