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 The Heckler's July '08 Issue is outTuesday, July 8, 2008 Among the headlines: Big Z goes nuts and Santo gets lost at Home Depot for 8 hours The July 2008 edition of The Heckler is out on the streets and is guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. Pick up your free copy in Chicago today, or subscribe and get it delivered to your home, office, email address or prison cell. Source: Aaron Rodgers has 'itch' to put Brett Favre in coma July 3, 2008 Former first-round pick is sure retired QB won't be at training camp Packers starting-quarterback-in-waiting Aaron Rodgers has the "itch" to find Brett Favre -- who has reportedly communicated a desire to un-retire and return to the Packers next season -- and strike the future Hall of Fame QB in the head so hard that the legend slips into a coma, sources close to the at-his-wits-end player have confirmed. Benson ordered to install 'Run the 40 in under six seconds' ignition lock in car Friday, June 27, 2008 Troubles continue for ousted Bears RB Former Bears running back Cedric Benson has been ordered by a Texas judge to install a "Run the 40 Yard Dash in under six seconds" lock device in his car. On Deck Radio Report: Angelo will test positive for performance decreasing drugs and other predictions Monday, Jun. 16, 2008 This week's predictions: the Bears GM's draft day screw ups will be explained, a Cubs visit will bring Tropicana Field attendance into five figures for the first time in its history, and Ozzie will miss a Sox game to hang out with some friends.  The June '08 issue of The Heckler is outTuesday, June 10, 2008 Among the headlines: Cubs go green, Sox Park to serve as city's 3rd airport The June 2008 edition of The Heckler is out on the streets and is guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. Pick up your free copy in Chicago today, or subscribe and get it delivered to your home, office, email address or prison cell.  Benson becoming expert on Texas DWI lawsSaturday, June 7, 2008 After second bust in a month, Bears RB considers post-football legal career Bears RB Cedric Benson is considering a legal career in DWI rights after receiving another invaluable lesson when busted in Austin, Texas, last night on a drunk-driving charge, his second alcohol-related arrest in a little over a month. Briggs' vote of confidence for Urlacher and Benson falls on deaf ears Wednesday, May 28, 2008 'Lance who?' ask troubled Bears players A day after Bears linebacker Lance Briggs voiced his support for troubled teammates Brian Urlacher and Cedric Benson, neither player acknowledged knowing Briggs, who's had his fair share of trouble in recent seasons as well. Radio Brief: Benson runs over defenders in training with middle schoolers Tuesday, May 20, 2008 The Bears running back is taking small steps toward being a legitimate NFL player. Radio Brief: Benson decides on life change: less alcohol, more pot Tuesday, May 06, 2008 The Bears running back realizes he shouldn't be drinking while boating, he should be smoking marijuana instead.  Thomas Jones films boating safety PSAMonday, May 05, 2008 List of reasons Bears should have retained running back grows Former Bears running back Thomas Jones -- released by the team in favor of providing more playing time for Cedric Benson -- recently filmed a series of boating safety public service announcements, further painting him in a positive light following Benson's recent boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest charges.  Angelo breaks out dart board to prep for draftFriday, April 25, 2008 'This baby is responsible for most of my most important decisions as GM' In what has become an annual ritual, Bears GM Jerry Angelo stepped into his office closet and returned with his prize. "Here she is," Angelo said, brandishing a large cork dartboard. "This baby is responsible for most of my most important decisions as GM. I trust this board more than anyone or anything, even more than my Ouija board." Radio Brief: Lovie aware of Bears many, many needs going into draft The Bears are looking to the draft to improve areas of need, which includes basically every position group. On Deck Radio Report: Mel Kiper will impose his will on NFL Draft and other predictions Monday, Apr. 21, 2008 This week's predictions: a Bears player and Bears fan will both have financial issues, though on slightly different scales, and the ESPN analyst will finally do what he's always wanted to do on draft day. Radio Brief: Urlacher demands personal valet to carry around all his money Thursday, Apr. 10, 2008 The Bears linebacker skips offseason workouts not for more money but because he has too much and needs help carrying it. The April '08 issue of The Heckler is out Sunday, March 30, 2008 Guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back Among the headlines: Zell denies rumors he's kind of troll people; Cubs to play Friday games in Bud bottle uniforms; Ernie Banks statue depicts Mr. Cub in Under Armour shirt, shopping at Best Buy; and much, much more ... Radio Brief: Mourning Packer fans spend entire day crying Wednesday, Mar. 05, 2008 Packer fans grieve for their fallen hero with many, many tears.  Cheeseheads mourn loss of FavreTuesday, March 4, 2008 QB's run ends after 17 seasons Packers fans everywhere are coming to terms with the loss of future Hall of Famer Brett Favre who rode off into the sunset after 17 fun-filled seasons in the NFL. Bears go with least gross option - bringin' Rexy back The Bears Report, Friday, Feb. 29, 2008 One-year deal could pay him $5 million Since selecting him in the first round of the 2003 draft, Bears General Manager Jerry Angelo has made no secret about his love for quarterback Rex Grossman. Radio Brief: Grossman signs on for another year as team scapegoat Wednesday, Feb. 27, 2008 The Bears resigning Rex Grossman means they won't have to worry about finding a new fall guy if things go bad again next season. Radio Brief: Sluggish Muhammad still cleaning out locker Wednesday, Feb. 20, 2008 Wide receiver moving just as slow leaving town as he does on the field.  Angelo hands Muhammad his walking papers, which he manages to drop as wellTuesday, Feb. 19, 2008 Miller, Walker also dumped by Bears Bears GM Jerry Angelo began sweeping the Halas Hall clean of old junk Monday. After thoroughly cleaning out the attic and selling an smelly futon on Craigslist, he promptly released Muhsin Muhammad, Fred Miller and declined the team option on Darwin Walker. Angelo then swept up the walking papers Muhammad coughed up as he hobbled out of town. Radio Brief: Betting on big underdog worked in Super Bowl, not in election Wednesday, Feb. 06, 2008 Joliet man gets caught up in emotion of major upsets, loses all his Super Bowl winnings by betting on Chris Dodd in Illinois Presidential Primary. Radio Brief: Super Bowl upset comes one year too late for Bears fans Monday, Feb. 04, 2008 The Giants' upset shows Chicagoans what might have been.  Mercury Morris maintains reason to live as Pats fail to go undefeatedMonday, Feb. 4, 2008 Former '72 Dolphin holds on to last shred of cultural relevance Former RB Mercury Morris has long been a very outspoken member of the 1972 Dolphins, the NFL's last unbeaten team. When the Patriots' bid at perfection ended in dramatic fashion in Sunday night's Super Bowl, Morris was ecstatic, recognizing that he not lost his reason to live after all.  Emmitt Smith charged with murdering English languageSunday, Feb. 03, 2008 ESPN analyst and future Hall of Famer arrested outside Super Bowl studio U.S. Marshals arrested former Cowboys running back Emmitt Smith outside ESPN's "NFL Live" Super Bowl set this weekend where he was working as a football analyst. According to officials, he will be charged with a first-degree count of murdering the English language. Radio Brief: Eli tired of being called 'Peyton's Younger Brother' Friday, Feb. 1, 2008 The Giants quarterback thinks playing in the Super Bowl earns him the right to have people call him by his actual name. Radio Brief: Despite team's success, Coughlin still finds things to be mad about Thursday, Jan. 31, 2008 The Giants head coach doesn't let the fact his team is in the Super Bowl get in the way of his desire to be ticked off.  Bears hire Chuck Norris as defensive coordinatorWednesday, Jan. 30, 2008 Martial arts master and movie star to provide some inspiration next season With the Bears' defense finishing the season ranked near the bottom of the NFL, head coach Lovie Smith has decided Brian Urlacher and company need a little inspiration next season. So the Chicago coach has hired Chuck Norris, the martial arts master and star of the movie Sidekicks, be the team's next defensive coordinator. Radio Brief: Belichick upset that people don't like him Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2008 The Patriots' head coach was surprised and confused after learning of the near-universal dislike directed at him. Radio Brief: Post Super Bowl tradition of feeling guilty about gluttony to end Friday, Jan. 25, 2008 The news regarding next week's Super Bowl involves two Super Sunday veterans: eating and drinking. Radio Brief: Pats beat Chargers without cheating Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2008 The Patriots decided to win the AFC Championship game the old fashioned way: no cameras taping their opponents sidelines. NFL Championship Weekend: Pats win, Favre throws Giant INT in OT Monday, Jan. 21, 2008 The Heckler goes 1 - 1 in predictions The Heckler recaps NFL Championship weekend. NFC Championship Game Preview: New York Giants at Green Bay Packers Thursday, Jan. 17, 2008 Kickoff at 5:30 Sunday The Heckler previews the Giants at Packers NFC Championship game. AFC Championship Game Preview: San Diego Chargers at New England Patriots Thursday, Jan. 17, 2008 Kickoff at 2 Sunday The Heckler Previews the Chargers at Patriots AFC Championship game. NFL Playoffs: Giants, Chargers win upsets; Pats, Pack to host title games Monday, Jan. 14, 2008 The Heckler goes just 1 - 3 in predictions The Heckler recaps the NFL's Divisonal Playoff weekend. AFC Divisonal Playoff Preview: San Diego Chargers at Indianapolis Colts Thursday, Jan. 10, 2008 Kickoff at 1 Sunday The Heckler Previews Sunday's Chargers at Colts Divisonal Playoff game. NFC Divisional Playoff Preview: New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys Thursday, Jan. 10, 2008 Kickoff at 3:30 Sunday The Heckler Previews Sunday's Giants at Cowboys Divisional Playoff game. NFC Divisional Playoff Preview: Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2008 Kickoff at 3:30 Saturday The Heckler Previews Saturday's Seahawks at Packers Divisional Playoff game. AFC Divisional Playoff Preview: Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2008 Kickoff at 7 on Saturday The Heckler Previews Saturday's Jaguars at Patriots Divisional Playoff game. On Deck Radio Report: Hall again snubs mediocre former Cubs and other predictions Monday, Jan. 07, 2008 This week's predictions: It's not Glenallen Hill's HGH use that keeps him out of the Hall of Fame, Jerry Angelo puts faith in old unreliables, and star quarterbacks argue over who will do more off-field scoring. Wild 'Wild Weekend' in the NFL playoffs Monday, Jan. 7 2008 The Heckler goes 3 - 1 in predictions The Heckler recaps the NFL's Wild Card weekend.  Fred Miller to spend off-season rethinking 'revolving-door' blocking techniqueMonday, Jan. 7, 2008 Lineman's plan to create a more organized offensive backfield didn't go well Bears right tackle Fred Miller revealed Monday that he will rethink the revolving door method of pass protection he began using during the 2007 season. A loving tribute song to Tom Brady Sunday, Jan. 6, 2008 Friend of a Friend of The Heckler Dave Hoke is a really, really big Tom Brady fan. In honor of the MVP Tom Brady was awarded this weekend, The Heckler would like to share Dave Hoke's Ode to Tom Brady.  Bears press conference ends with Angelo in tearsThe Bears Report, Friday, Jan. 4, 2008 Grim prospects put GM in deep depression Bears GM Jerry Angelo and head coach Lovie Smith made themselves available for a season ending press conference on Thursday. As questions were raised about the team's future, Smith seemed to be relieved that the disappointing 2007 season was over but Angelo seemed a little more than depressed. NFC Wild Card Preview: New York Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers Friday, Jan. 4, 2008 Kickoff at noon Sunday The Heckler Previews Sunday's Giants at Buccaneers NFC Wild Card Game. AFC Wild Card Preview: Tennessee Titans at San Diego Chargers Friday, Jan. 4, 2008 Kickoff at 3:30 Sunday The Heckler Previews the Titans and Chargers Wild Card Game. AFC Wild Card Preview: Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers Friday, Jan. 3, 2008 Kickoff at 7 Saturday The Heckler previews Saturday's Jaguars at Steelers Wild Card Game. NFC Wild Card Preview: Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks Thursday, Jan, 3, 2008 Kickoff at 3:30 Saturday The Heckler previews Saturday's Redskins at Seahawks Wild Card Game. On Deck Radio Report: No 'Hank White' ruins Cubs Convention and other predictions Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008 This week's predictions: the Cubs Convention is cancelled due to lack of interest because the guy with the best nickname on the team isn't going, no assistants means no replacements for Jim Boylan and a switch in NFL allegiances gives a Bears fan another month of church-free Sundays. Mercury Morris loses reason to live as Patriots go 16-0 Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008 While the Patriots' ritualistic decimation of opponents week after week set records and created nationwide contempt for coach Bill Belichick and crew, their record-breaking efforts caused pain to other NFL alums. The 1972 Dolphins, the only other team to go undefeated during the regular season, find themselves with little to do in their lives after the Patriots finished off the New York Giants. The most vocal critic of the Patriots from the '72 Dolphins, Mercury Morris, was downtrodden and obviously hurt. Coach Turner's Bears Offensive Report Card The Bears Report, Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008 By Bears Offensive Coordinator Ron Turner 2007 was not kind to me. A loss in the Super Bowl, my quarterback Rex Grossman, is the laughing stock of the NFL and my former team, the Illinois Fighting Illini is going to the Rose Bowl. Coach Babich's Bears Defensive Report Card The Bears Report, Tuesday, Jan. 1, 2008 By Bears defensive coordinator Bob Babich When I took over for Ron Rivera, I saw an opportunity to make changes to the defense. I did but unfortunately my schemes dropped from the fifth-ranked in 2006 to the 29th in 2007. Bears win as Hester buries Saints' playoffs hopes Game recap from Sunday, Dec. 30, 2007 Returnman/WR scores twice in victory As he has done all season long, Hester was a consistent threat to score touchdowns for the Bears. As depressing as it is to Bears' fans that a special teams player is a most reliable offensive weapon, fans can rejoice as Hester effortlessly strides into the end zone on a regular basis, twice against the Saints in Chicago's 33-25 win Sunday afternoon. Radio Brief: Next year, Hester at QB Monday, Dec. 31, 2007 After exhausting all other options, Lovie Smith says he'll try Devin Hester at quarterback next season. Radio Brief: Bad directions, imminent firing make Ron Turner's New Year's invite awkward Friday, Dec. 28, 2007 Bears players and personnel are not happy about being invited to Ron Turner's house for New Year's Eve. Briggs sits against Packers, rests for Pro Bowl The Bears Report, Monday, Dec. 24, 2007 Bears linebacker Lance Briggs sat out Sunday's 35-7 win over the Packers with a hip injury, hoping to get healthy in time for February's Pro Bowl. Briggs is also expected to miss next week's season finale against New Orleans. Scary-looking bearded guy outside Starbucks isn't Kyle Orton Friday, Dec. 21, 2007 Despite striking similarities in facial hair and overall physical appearance, that scary-looking bearded man begging for change outside Starbucks is not Bears QB Kyle Orton, according to a policeman who regularly patrols the neighborhood. NFL Weakness Rankings for Week 16: Bears flail away as Orton takes over Thursday, Dec. 20, 2007 We only have two weeks left in the regular season and I can't wait until it's wrapped up. As a bitter fan of the Orton-led Bears, I barely care about what happens to the NFL when my team misses the playoffs. Radio Brief: Bears' AP tries to disguise self as Vikes' AP Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2007 The Bears Adrian Peterson was caught trying to impersonate the good Adrian Peterson. Bears officially eliminated from playoff race, forced to spend rest of season in Gary Game recap for Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2007 The city's loudest roar on Monday night came from the Mayor, not its football team We have known since early November the Bears weren't going to make the playoffs. What we didn't know prior to Monday night's 20–13 loss to the Vikings was the Bears be officially eliminated from NFC playoff contention and forced out of city limits for the remainder of the 2007 season. Chicago Mayor Richard Daley announced after the game he was condemning the Bears to Gary, Ind. Vasher returns from injury, shows Manning, Jr. what a competent CB looks like Tuesday, December 18, 2007 After tearing a groin muscle in week three against the Cowboys, Nathan Vasher's status for the remainder of this season was a big question mark. He surprisingly returned Monday night against the Vikings and the Pro-Bowler came back in impressive fashion, finishing Monday night’s game with a few keys tackles, a forced fumble and an interception. Paternity suit ensures Briggs will follow in tradition of great Bears LBs The Bears Report, Monday, Dec. 17, 2007 For the last four seasons, the Bears linebacking corps has been known for their big plays and hard hits. However, a recent rash of alimony complaints and paternity questions by Chicago area baby-mommas, Pro Bowlers Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs are becoming better known for their deadbeat off-the-field parenting escapades than their great play on Sundays. Not excited for Bears, Vikes? MNF has lost its luster The Bears Report, Monday, Dec. 17, 2007 For over 35 years, Monday Night Football was an American tradition. It was the game of the week that nobody dared missing and the two teams showcased in the prime-time match-up knew they had better bring their "A" game, it was time to shine. However, the hype and hoopla ended in 2006, when MNF was moved to cable. Now, the bright lights of are no longer and the illumination of MNF gleam has never been darker than it will be tonight at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, where the Minnesota Vikings (7-6) host the Bears (5-8). On Deck Radio Report: Bears finally finish analyzing Week One film and other predictions Monday, Dec. 17, 2007 This week's predictions: Bears' coaching staff makes adjustments based on Week One game film, Mariotti gives fake acceptance speech and Skiles has giant doghouse built in backyard. NFL Weakness Rankings for Week 15: Bears drop six spots as Capt. Neckbeard takes over Thursday, Dec. 13, 2007 Another week in the NFL fades away and the playoff picture is shaping up nicely. Our beloved Bears will miss the playoffs this year. In order to save face and try to finish the season strong, Lovie Smith will start Capt. Neckbeard himself, Kyle Orton. Good luck to them. Better luck next year. Radio Brief: Bears clinch three rounds of playoff byes Thursday, Dec. 13, 2007 The Bears record this year ensures them an easy road through the playoffs. Radio Brief: Orton to get rid of neckbeard Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2007 Kyle Orton says he no longer needs his neckbeard as a place to store things. Bears officially wave white flag on 2007 campaign, name Orton starter The Bears Report, Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2007 Third string QB to finish season if he shaves, stays sober The temperature is below freezing, the calendar has turned to December and the Bears are in last place. This can only mean one thing: The team still doesn't have a proven quarterback to send out on the field. But tradition says someone has to be under center, so Bears head coach Lovie Smith has named Kyle Orton the starting quarterback for the rest of the season.  Vick buys NFL Sunday Ticket for 225 cigarettesMonday, Dec. 10, 2007 QB to monitor his fantasy team from prison Just two hours after being sentenced to 23 months in prison for running an illegal dogfighting ring, former Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick purchased DirecTV's NFL Sunday ticket package for his prison cell. Vick bought the subscription from an inmate named "Nails" for what he felt was the reasonable price of 225 cigarettes.  Bears hire Jim Mora as playoff spokesmanMonday, Dec. 10, 2007 "Uh, playoffs? You wanna talk about ... playoffs?" says former Saints coach If you ask Lovie Smith or any Bears player, they will insist that the playoffs are still in reach. However, at 5-8 the possibility of postseason play looks bleak. With the team's unrealistic optimism growing tiresome, GM Jerry Angelo decided to add a little dose of reality. In a questionable PR move, Angelo announced the hiring of former Saints and Colts coach Jim Mora as a team spokesman. On Deck Radio Report: Bulls meaningless game is canceled and other predictions Monday, Dec. 10, 2007 This week's predictions: NBA decides a game between two of league's worst is not worth playing, McDonough named in Mitchell Report and Lovie Smith causes insanity in Tribune columnist. Bears lose game, starting QB, season in D.C. Game recap from Thursday, Dec. 6, 2007 The NFL Network continued to screw over its fan base with another Thursday night game only those with premium cable services were able to watch. Rest assured, Bears and Redskins fans who weren't able to catch their team in action didn't miss much as Washington topped Chicago 24-16. Imagine watching an episode of ER, but all the patients are wearing football gear. Grossman suffers third career-ending injury in loss to Redskins The Bears Report, Dec. 7, 2007 Bears fans know the drill because they've seen this before. First an incomplete pass, next the cameras are on Rex Grossman who is face-first on the turf grimacing in pain, grabbing a leg. It was déjà vu midway through the first quarter in the Bears Thursday night loss to the Washington Redskins, marking the QB's third career-threatening injury since 2004. Bad Bears vs. awful Redskins: A perfect game for the NFL Network The Bears Report, Thursday, Dec. 6, 2007 Do you hear that? Don't worry. No one does. There are no complaining phone calls on the talk national sports talk radio shows; I'm not reading about newspaper sports columnists who want to protest the NFL, nor do you hear Stuart Scott or his fellow ESPN hosts telling viewers this Thursday night game would be better off on their channel. One week after more than half the country missed the intriguing NFC battle between the Packers, Cowboys on the rare NFL Network, it seems nobody was making plans to watch tonight's Bears (5-7), Redskins (5-7) snoozer anyway. NFL Weakness Rankings for Week 14: Bears hold steady as playoff hopes slip by Thursday, Dec. 6, 2007 Lucky Week 13 is now history and we are reminded again that there is nothing can stop the Patriots. There is no force powerful enough to stop them, not the Marines, not the secret service, not anyone. Not even the Kiss Army could phase the Pats. The Patriots are currently listed as the 12th most powerful military in the world. Radio Brief: T.O. apologizes for lack of controversy this season Monday, Dec. 3, 2007 Terrell Owens apologized to reporters for his lack of newsworthy antics this season.  Bears receivers accuse Giants of sabotageMonday, December 04, 2007 Coughlin, Lovie get in war of words over each other's inept players As is the case with any Bears loss, fans find themselves over-analyzing the game to find a scapegoat. The secondary looked air tight Sunday. The D-Line brought pressure consistently. Surprisingly, the offensive line played well. Heck, even Rex was solid against the Giants. That leaves the fingers to be pointed on the Bears receivers as they had dropped approximately 24 passes. Bears receivers almost immediately re-directed the blame and developed a conspiracy that their hands were sabotaged. Even in loss, Tillman reconfirms his ownership status of Giants' Burress Monday, Dec. 3, 2007 Charles Tillman's lockdown coverage has not gone unnoticed. His cover skills combined with exceptional tackling has made him a fan favorite as well as a legitimate Pro Bowl candidate. Tillman reestablished how far along he’s come as a player by shutting down Giants' star receiver Plaxico Burress.  Bears blow late lead, fall to GiantsGame recap from Sunday, Dec. 2, 2007 Wild Card hopes wash away on rainy Sunday evening In a battle of overhyped and overrated QBs, the New York Giants Eli Manning and the Bears Rex Grossman traded mistakes and turnovers throughout a game with major NFC Wild Card implications. In the end, it was Grossman's offense that was unable to generate a drive leading to nothing more than a handful of field goals in the Bears 21-16 loss. NFL Weakness Ratings for Week 13: Bears jump 7 spots thanks to comeback win over Broncos Thursday, Nov. 29, 2007 Another week, another win by the Patriots. Sure it was a close one, but they're still undefeated and looking like a steamroller on their way to Super Bowl XLII in Phoenix. Here's how the rest of the league lines up behind the Pats in The Heckler’s NFL weakness rankings for Week 13. Radio Brief: Ricky Williams lasts six plays, leaves to go get high Wednesday, November 28, 2007 Ricky Williams comeback ended quickly when he decided he'd rather be smoking marijuana. Hesterphobia: Giants too scared to kick to lethal return man The Bears Report, Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2007 Tired of constant quarterback controversy babble, Brian Urlacher child custody gossip and worries about the offense's pathetic average of 3.3 yards per rush, Chicago Bears fans have shifted their focus and are now spending the week prior to Sunday's kick-off wondering one thing: Will the opponent be stupid enough to kick to Devin Hester?  Comeback win over Denver saves Bears season--for nowGame recap from Sunday, Nov. 25, 2007 Hester carries team to electrifying OT victory When the pressure's been on the Bears this season, they've usually folded like lawn chairs. They have found ways to continuously disappoint fans all season long. Whether it was Rex's awful play, Urlacher's old man back or Cedric Benson's general ineffectiveness, Bears fans have found little reason to cheer.  Greg Gumble compares CBS announcing partner Dan Dierdorf to Sylvester the CatThe Bears Report, Monday, Nov. 26, 2007 CBS play-by-play man Greg Gumble almost missed the Bears unbelievable 37-34 comeback win Sunday evening because he threatened to leave at the booth halftime. Forced to announce the game without his rain jacket, a key deterrent to fight off the spit-spray coming from his color commentating partner Dan Dierdorf, Gumbel found his working conditions nearly unbearable. NFL Weakness Ratings for Week 12: Bears drop four spots as Shoop takes over offense again Wednesday, Nov. 21, 2007 Week 11 is in the books and we learned a few things: The Bears, Eagles, Panthers and Saints are all pretenders. The Cardinals, Browns and the Jaguars will be teams to reckon with in the future. Just not this season. Have to work on Thanksgiving? So do the Bears The Bears Report, Tuesday, Nov. 20, 2007 For most Americans, Thanksgiving will be a day away from work and spent with friends and family. However, there are a few exceptions when an employer is forced to require staffers to report to the office, or in the Bears' case, the practice field. Radio Brief: Madden covers Brett Favre for Thanksgiving Tuesday, Nov. 20, 2007 The Packers-Lions Thanksgiving Day game will not be on NBC, but that won't stop John Madden from covering it. Bears lose to Seahawks; Chicagoland wives, girlfriends get their Sundays back Game recap from Sunday, Nov. 18, 2007 Since the start of the NFL season in early September, Jennifer Dosch's Sundays have reluctantly been spent in front of the TV and cleaning up after her boyfriend's football parties. This week--knowing a Bears loss to the Seattle Seahawks would more or less end any hopes of a late-season playoff run--she and thousands of other Chicagoland significant others were secretly rooting for the Seahawks, desperately wanting their Sundays to return to special girly girl time and trips to the shopping mall.  Benson intentionally missed block when Griese got hurtThe Bears Report, Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007 RB tired of being worst player on offense, wanted Grossman back The benching of Bears QB Rex Grossman left running back Cedric Benson with a lonely, empty feeling, making Benson the hands-down worst player in the offensive huddle. After five games of short gains and running into the backs of his own lineman, Benson decided he had had enough. It was time to get Grossman on the field, even if it meant purposely missing a block to injure starting quarterback Brian Griese. NFL Weakness Ratings for Week 11: Bears move up thanks to Rex Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007 Week 10 is now ancient history and there have been fewer and movers and shakers than there were before. Teams are finally starting to settle into the rankings they will most likely finish the season with. Radio Brief: Belichick beats nephew 118-3 in Madden '08 Tuesday, November 13, 2007 Unable to relax during his bye week, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick ran up the score on his nephew in Madden '08. Radio Feature: On Deck: Angelo gets drafting guide book and a steroid scandal rocks NASCAR Monday, Nov. 12, 2007 Among this week's predictions: Jerry Angelo receives "Drafting for Dummies," the Blackhawks ease their fan requirements and a steroid scandal rocks NASCAR. Rex returns to beat the Raiders in a nap-inducing duel Game recap from Sunday, Nov. 11, 2007 QB saves the day, prevents complete snooze-fest The Bears were faced Sunday with a dilemma they have not encountered in a few years. They were 3-5 and facing a steep climb into the playoffs. Lovie Smith's crew needed a win to get them back on track. Fortunately for the Bears, they got to travel to Oakland to face the 2-5 Raiders.  Purdue tailgate hangover prevented Orton from replacing GrieseMonday, Nov. 12, 2007 'Who is that bearded dude on the beer bong?' partiers asked Some observers wondered why the Bears went with slumping QB Rex Grossman rather than third-stringer Kyle Orton when Brian Griese went down with a shoulder injury in the first half of yesterday's game in Oakland. It turns out Orton was available for duty due to a self-described "raging hangover" after visiting his alma mater Purdue for Senior Day as his Boilermakers took on Michigan State Saturday. Minnesota WR Williamson reacts to $25,000 fine for missing game due to grandmother's funeral Friday, November 9, 2007 Minnesota WR Troy Williamson has gone through tough times recently. Aside from his team's passing game struggles, Williamson has suffered through the death of his grandmother. When Williamson missed last Sunday's game against the Chargers to attend the funeral, he was shocked the team has fined him more than $25,000 for missing the game.  Packers coach McCarthy tired of being confused for MeatloafWednesday, Nov. 7, 2007 Hefty population of heftier groupies annoys NFC North-leader Packers coach Mike McCarthy is enjoying his team's impressive 7-1 record, but he can't shake the fact he looks a lot like aging rocker Meatloaf. Neither can the bevy of overweight and slovenly groupies who are hanging on the coach's every move. Radio Brief: Bears lose during bye week Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2007 Still reeling from their Week 8 loss against Detroit, the Bears dropped an intrasquad game against the practice D. NFL Weakness Ratings for Week 10: Bears move up by not playing Wednesday, Nov. 7, 2007 Every team in the league is now at the midway point and there is a huge separation between the great (Pats, Colts, Steelers, Cowboys) and the mediocre (underachievers and generally average). Radio Feature: On Deck, Orton named Bears starter, local fans discover 'hockey' Monday, Nov. 5, 2007 Among the predictions for this week: The Bears unveil their second-half offense, Tom Brady helps out a former coach and Rick Morrissey officially becomes obsessed.  Tackling dummy nails Benson for 2-yard lossFriday, Nov. 2, 2007 Struggles continue for former first round pick Things went from bad to worse this week for Bears running back Cedric Benson during practice when he was repeatedly taken down for two-yard losses by a tackling dummy. It was another setback for the former first round pick who has not responded well as the team's premier back since the Bears traded Thomas Jones to the Jets in the off-season. |
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