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Chicago Bears / NFL - ARCHIVE

Lovie strikes fear into opposing teams' hearts with proclamation that 'Bears will be good'
Friday, July 30, 2010
Bears know he's fired up
Lovie Smith is not known for rousing pregame or halftime speeches. His rhetoric is so uninspiring that he plays clips from movies like "Rudy" and "Varsity Blues" to fire up his team during halftime.
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Missed The Heckler Half Hour Comedy Spectacular a couple weeks ago? Check it out here
Friday, July 30, 2010
Guaranteed to be the best half hour of the next 60 minutes of your life
In case you missed The Heckler's cable access show a couple weeks back because you had something better to do at 10 on a Sunday night, here it is for you to watch at your leisure.
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ESPN to broadcast ongoing Favre special 'The Indecision'
Monday, July 26, 2010
Not to be outdone by LeBron James' free agency spectacle earlier this month, Brett Favre request airing of his own ESPN special. But unlike James' hour-long debacle, the Favre special will serve as a weekly mini-series until the start of the football season.
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July '10 issue is out: Big Z returns, Cubs get Hall of Fame, Hawks make another big trade
Monday, July 12, 2010
Another month of unbelievable sports news
With so much going on in Chicago's topsy-turvy sports world, The Heckler's July issue is here to help you make sense of it all.
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Bears to join Big Ten
Friday, June 18, 2010
Urlacher expresses ambivalence at move
Another major change to the college football landscape: The Chicago Bears have announced that they'll join the Big Ten athletic conference in the summer of 2011.
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June '10 Issue is out: Hawks are champs; Crosstown winner to be awarded 5th in AL West
Friday, June 11, 2010
All the unbelievable Chicago sports news you can handle
With so much going on in Chicago's topsy-turvy sports world, The Heckler's June issue is here to help you make sense of it all.

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May '10 issue is out: Ricketts has first true 'Cubs fan' experience; Cubs use Groupon to unload Zambrano contract; and more
Monday, May 10, 2010
Crosstown Cup finally gives Cubs an opportunity to win a trophy; Kasper loses his cool on-air
The Heckler's May issue has hit the streets and like every issue, this one's packed with unbelievable sports news.
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Check out The Heckler on Chicago Public Radio's vocalo.org Wednesday at noon
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Even people who aren't 'experts' can participate
Live chat about Chicago sports to be archived forever and forever after it ends at 1.

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April '10 issue is out: Unknown relievers get nametags, Soto donates weight to Cubs Care and much more
Monday, April 12, 2010
Check out pics from Next Year Day
The Heckler's April issue has hit the streets just in time for the Cubs home opener.
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102nd Annual Next Year Day: Party with The Heckler, Rick Telander and many more at Harry Caray's Sat, April 10
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
This one promises to be the best one yet
Join The Heckler and Rick Telander this Saturday, April 10, at Harry Caray's Tavern Wrigleyville for the 102nd Annual Next Year Day to celebrate the joy, frustration and eternal optimism that is ... Next Year! This one promises to be the best ever (yes, even better than 1946, 1970, 1985, 1990, 1999, 2004 and 2008 combined).
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March 10 issue is out: Cubs beer bong; Bloggers brawl; and much more
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Among the headlines: Sox consider English broadcasts; Comcast launches new show
The Heckler's March issue has hit the streets just in time for Spring Training's sweet spot.
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Radio Brief: Disgruntled Bears fan bashes big free agent signings, says Angelo still a moron
Monday, Mar. 8, 2010
A pessimistic Bears fan thinks the team's free agent spending spree was a waste of money.
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Radio Brief: Angelo discusses the draft, mistakenly thinking people still value his opinions
Tuesday, Mar. 2, 2010
Steve Rosenbloom sets eye-rolling world record listening to the Bears GM share his "expertise."
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Toyota Park recalled due to design flaw
Friday, Feb. 26, 2010
Defect causes rapid, uncontrolled acceleration of beer consumption
Toyota Park, home of the MLS's Chicago Fire, is being recalled due to a design defect that causes fans to experience rapid, uncontrolled acceleration of beer consumption.
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Feb. 10 Issue is out: First '10 Cubby Occurrence as Marlon Byrd eaten by huge Mesa Gila monster
Friday, Feb. 12, 2010
Among the headlines: Ricketts to compete for Gold in men's Winter Olympic figure skating; Steroid use up 50% among idiot Cardinals fans; and much, much more
The Heckler's February issue has hit the streets to help ease your winter blues. We think it's our best ever, but we also thought signing Milton Bradley was a good move by Jim Hendry. Sometimes we're wrong.
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Six-year-old TV network to host its 22nd annual sports awards Thursday
Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2010
Comcast continues history of not making sense
Comcast SportsNet was founded in 2004, yet is hosting its 22nd Annual Comcast SportsNet Sports Awards dinner Thursday night at the Hilton Chicago. Some think it makes no sense that a six-year-old TV network could be hosting its 22nd annual award show, but Comcast SportsNet Chicago President Jim Corno doesn't care.
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Radio Brief: Martz's pass happy offense already getting Cutler sacked
Tuesday, Feb. 9, 2010
Still seven months before the 2010 NFL season begins, but the sacks are already starting.
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Heckler Comic: Brees will keep Indy guessing
Saturday, Feb. 6, 2010
Manning won't know what to make of it
Super Bowl XLIV prediction
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Lovie hires random Facebook friend to serve as assistant coach
Friday, Feb. 5, 2010
Also adopts six kids so he can give them all jobs
Bears head coach Lovie Smith has been known to play favorites, but even his most ardent supporters -- most of whom already work for him -- have scoffed at his latest personnel moves. According to a report released this afternoon, Smith has hired Facebook friend and former high school classmate Bobby Merdell to serve as assistant head coach in charge of the two-point offense.
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Overzealous NFL legally prevents man from telling friends he's going to watch [REDACTED] Sunday night
Friday, Feb. 5, 2010
Hands him huge cease-and-desist letter
The NFL is notorious for vigorously protecting each of its many trademarks, none more so than the [REDACTED]. The league goes out of its way to prevent any unsanctioned or unpaid use of the term, but critics feel this year it has gone too far when the league prevented a Chicago man from using the name of the game while discussing his Sunday evening plans with his friends.
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Outrage grows over future 4th-round draft pick starring in Super Bowl ad
Monday, Feb. 1, 2010
'Why does Tebow get an ad and I don't?' asks Clausen
Controversy over former Florida Gators QB Tim Tebow's appearance in a high-profile Super Bowl TV ad continues to grow, as Sunday's big game approaches. Critics feel that Tebow -- a projected fourth-round pick in this April's NFL Draft -- is unworthy of the fame brought about by starring in an ad running during the most-watched TV event of the year.
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Radio Brief: Potential candidates keep bowing out as Lovie's search for a landscaping company continues
Wednesday, Feb. 3, 2010
While he may have finally found a coordinator willing to work for him, the Bears coach is still getting turned down by potential lawn care companies for his home.
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'Shirtless John Madden scandal' not nearly as disgusting as America feared
Wednesday, Jan. 27, 2010
'Good god, we've all dodged a bullet'
When news out of Canada broke that John Madden was involved in a shirtless photo scandal, many around the country braced for nausea. They were relieved to learn the John Madden in question was the Chicago Blackhawks forward rather than the morbidly obese retired football announcer and coach.
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Radio Brief: Forte surgery just one of many for Bears, including Angelo's dumbass-ectomy
Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2010
The Bears admit to a rash of procedures undergone by players, coaches and front office staff.
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Jan. 10 Issue is out: Cubs Convention time!
Friday, Jan. 15, 2010
Among the headlines: Cubs add ice rink to Hilton; Kitty O'Sheas unveils $24 'Convention fries'; and much more
Great news: The Heckler's January issue has hit the streets just in time for the Cubs Convention. Once again, The Heckler will have a booth at the Hilton (No. 58 in the NW Hall.) We'll also be Tweeting like crazy, because that's what everyone else is doing.
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Radio Brief: Bears brass misuse words qualified, results, and many, many others at recent press conference
Tuesday, Jan. 12, 2010
Officials from Webster's are needed to clear up mass confusion.
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CBS adds 10th host to NFL Today
Thursday, Jan. 8, 2010
Move aims to ready network for playoffs
In a bold move designed to "stack the opinion deck just in time for the playoffs," CBS has hired a 10th host for the network's venerable NFL Today broadcast.
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After firing Turner, Bears will look to modernize offense
Wednesday, Jan. 6, 2010
Hoping to catch up to 1989; might go to Run and Shoot
Now that Ron Turner has been fired, the team is looking to make some major changes in order to be competitive in today's NFL. Consequently, Lovie Smith has explored other offensive schemes, with the Run and Shoot being the current favorite.

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Bears 'probably won't' re-hire Ron Turner again someday
Tuesday, Jan. 5, 2010
Front office surprised bad college coach turned out to be bad offensive coordinator
Ron Turner's second stint as Bears offensive coordinator mercifully ended Tuesday, after high hopes for a dynamic offense fell flat in 2009. Bears president Ted Phillips promised fans "'probably won't" ever re-hire Turner in the future like the team did once already.

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Radio Brief: Bulls considering Lovie to replace equally inept Del Negro
Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2009
Looking once again for incompetence in their coaching search, the Bulls might hire Lovie Smith if he becomes available.
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The Heckler's 2009 Sportsman of the Year: Jay Cutler
Monday, Dec. 28, 2009
'Pick Six' leads the way
As 2009 mercifully comes to an end, we reflect back on the highs and mostly lows of the year in Chicago sports.
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Radio Brief: Lovie to spend Christmas with only sportswriter who thinks he shouldn't be fired
Wednesday, Dec. 23, 2009
The Tribune's Dan Pompei claims his invite to the Smith household for the holidays is unrelated to his constant defense of the Bears head coach.
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Robbie Gould changes name to 'Mistletoe' in time for the holidays
Wednesday, Dec. 23, 2009
Bears' top offensive weapon inspired by Ocho Cinco
Robbie Gould, the Bears' most consistent offensive player this year, has announced he is making an adjustment that he believes will go over well with fans and teammates alike.
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Report from North Pole: Bears are 'naughty,' Hawks are 'nice'
Wednesday, Dec. 23, 2009
Bears to get coal, Hawks to get shiny new sticks
Word at the North Pole is that this Christmas, Santa is leaning toward delivering shiny new hockey sticks for all the Blackhawks players, and stuffing lumps of coal in the Bears' stockings.
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Dec. 09 issue is out: NFL Today adds 10th host; Bears demoted to CFL; Hawks sign entire team for life
Tuesday, Dec. 22, 2009
Chicago sports news you won't find anywhere else
Great news: The Heckler's December issue has hit the streets. In addition to our award-winning unbelievable Chicago sports coverage, this month The Heckler names its first-ever Sportsman of the Year. Here's a hint: His nickname should be "Pick Six."
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Forte's yards per carry dips below college GPA
Tuesday, Dec. 1, 2009
'You try running behind Frank Omiyale or Old Man Orlando' says struggling RB
RB Matt Forte isn't doing much to help the Bears' cause this season after accounting for nearly half the team's offense in 2008. For the first time in Forte's young career, his average yards per carry (3.3) have slipped well below his college GPA at Tulane (3.7).
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Linguist reveals 'Omiyale' translates to 'Oh, I missed my block'
Tuesday, Dec. 1, 2009
Off-season acquisition not exactly panning out
A renowned linguist from Oxford University recently studied the origin of Bears tackle Frank Omiyale's name, shedding some light on questions many fans have asked throughout the season.

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Radio Brief: Madden unretires to call Thanksgiving game, stuff new animals into turkey
Tuesday, Nov. 24, 2009
The former broadcaster has improved upon his original Turducken by adding new kinds of meat.
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Bears alternative jerseys made from green screen material
Friday, Nov. 20, 2009
TV viewers must choose between advertisements
After realizing mid-season they had to invest in a new offensive line, the Bears were forced to get creative in order to raise the necessary funds. This "out-of-the-box" thinking led to green screen jerseys that will now let the team broadcast ads directly onto players during games and comes just in time for Sunday's nationally broadcast game against the Eagles.
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Radio Brief: Lovie confident Bears can go 6-10, still make playoffs
Tuesday, Nov. 17, 2009
The Bears coach continues to believe he has a playoff bound team no matter how bad their season goes.
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Nov. 09 issue is out: Cubs sign Kenny Powers; Bears lineman struggle, and much more
Monday, Nov. 16, 2009
Chicago sports news you won't find anywhere else
Great news: The Heckler's November issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.
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Hester found at Field Museum after meandering punt return
Monday, Nov. 9, 2009
Also seen on stage at Northerly Island
The improved play of wide receiver Devin Hester has helped the Bears offense vertically stretch the field this season, yet the speedster's punt returns continue to take him backwards, sideline-to-sideline and beyond.
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Urlacher injury to lead to a 37% population increase
Friday, Nov. 6, 2009
Linebacker now has plenty of time for procreating
The U.S. Census Bureau released a report today estimating that Brian Urlacher's season-ending wrist injury will be directly responsible for a 37 percent rise in the population due to the additional time the linebacker can spend impregnating women.
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Park District places Walter Payton statue on Soldier Field playing surface
Monday, Nov. 2, 2009
Bears disappointed by resolution, but hopeful it will become advantage
Sunday marked the 10th anniversary of Walter Payton's untimely passing and an apparent end to the ongoing disagreement over a proposed Soldier Field statue of the legendary running back. The Bears aren't particularly happy about it, however, as the six-foot tall bronze figure now stands on the field of play.
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Local teen reclaims stolen possessions from 'Monsters in the Morning' set
Tuesday, Oct. 27, 2009
North claims to have bought everything off eBay for less than $100
Jimmy Kain of Lombard was relieved to learn that the contents of his bedroom--stolen two weeks ago in a home burglary--had been located safe and sound on the set of Comcast SportsNet's "Monsters in the Morning" TV show hosted by Mike North.
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Lovie's moment of indigestion mistaken for emotion after ugly loss to Bengals
Monday, Oct. 26, 2009
Bears coach blames pre-game breakfast for perceived anger
Despite video evidence suggesting he clearly expressed disgust after Chicago's 35-point loss against Cincinnati Sunday, Bears head coach Lovie Smith continues to vehemently deny a public display of emotion ever happened.
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Radio Brief: Steve Rosenbloom to only use absolutes when writing about the Bears
Monday, Oct. 19, 2009
The sportswriter will see things entirely in black and white when it comes to the Bears this season.
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Salaam, Enis give Forte advice
Tuesday, Oct. 20, 2009
'Smoke more weed' and 'Get really fat' say former Bears
Bears RB Matt Forte has had a tough go thus far in his second season, and struggled mightily Sunday night against Atlanta. Former promising Chicago tailbacks Rashaan Salaam and Curtis Enis have begun offering Forte some words of wisdom.

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Oct 09 issue is out: New Soldier Field Carpet; Gregg's tasty new gig; Impact of Urlacher's injury on the population; and much more
Friday, Oct. 16, 2009
Chicago sports news you won't find anywhere else
Great news: The Heckler's October issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.
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Over-excited Bears bronze Cutler's arm during bye week
Thursday, Oct. 8, 2009
QB already using it as conversation piece at downtown clubs
Following only a few impressive games, the Bears took an unusual measure toward preserving the arm of their new franchise quarterback. A team official confirmed Jay Cutler's right arm had been plated in copper after the team's win over the Lions last Sunday.
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Watch Now: The Heckler's Sept. 2009 Unbelievable Video Update
Friday, Sept. 18, 2009
Everything you'd have read in the Sept. issue if you weren't so damn lazy
A look in video at the latest happenings in sports, including news on Jim Hendry and Carlos Zambrano, John Madden's retirement plans being ruined by Brett Favre, and the Bears being a little too eager to honor Jay Cutler.
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Radio Brief: WGN cuts rest of baseball season from schedule in favor of more compelling live feed from Cutler Cam
Tuesday, Sep. 15, 2009
Acknowledging fans' disinterest in watching more bad baseball, Chicago's two main MLB broadcasters are changing around their program schedules.
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Madden upset with Favre for breaking retirement pact
Monday, Sept. 14, 2009
'I'm sure John will get over it' says Favre
In what has become a yearly tradition, Brett Favre announced he will not be retiring, and will instead return to play in his 19th NFL season. After a disappointing 2008 campaign with the Jets, many NFL analysts expected Favre would retire "for real this time," but the gun-slinging quarterback isn't riding quietly off into the sunset.
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Favre retires in 1st quarter, cries to Rachel Nichols at halftime, unretires in 4th
Monday, Sept. 14, 2009
Brett Favre made his dubious return to the NFL doing what he does best—avoiding training camp and hoarding the media spotlight. But unlike previous seasons, his selfishness and indecisiveness has spilled into the regular season.
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Sept 09 issue is out: Hendry's job hunt, Big Z's really big gig, Favre's un-retirement and much more
Friday, Sept. 11, 2009
Chicago sports news you won't find anywhere else
Great news: The Heckler's September issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.
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Radio Brief: Fan gets realistic about Bears season, changes total win prediction from 19 to 18
Tuesday, Sep. 8, 2009
A local Bears fan realizes he may have been a bit too enthusiastic when predicting an undefeated through the playoffs season.
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Fantasy Report: For first time ever, man not laughed at for drafting Bears QB
Friday, Aug. 28, 2009
Then loses credibility by taking Bears WR
Die-hard Bears fan Doug Wendlandt of Schaumburg has a storied history of drafting Bears quarterbacks each August in his local fantasy draft. And, for the past 15 seasons, he has been the subject of laughter and ridicule from his fellow participants. But this year's story was a little different.
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Cutler wears novelty party helmet to last day of training camp
Friday, Aug. 21, 2009
Heavy-drinking QB was too hung over to know the difference
When it comes to boozing quarterbacks, Bears fans may have thought Kyle Orton was prolific, but Jay Cutler has taken partying to a new level, as evidenced by the novelty beer-drinking helmet he wore to the last training camp practice in Bourbonnais Friday.
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Join The Heckler Wednesday Aug. 26 for Fantasy Football 101
Thursday, Aug. 20, 2009
'Don't Draft Terrell Owens' and 'Your Pick Sucks' among the topics to be discussed
Your friends from The Heckler are co-hosting a fun and innovative look at the 2009 Fantasy Football season. Topics include: "Don't Draft Terrell Owens" and "Mock Draft: Your Pick Sucks." We're even buying you your first beer.
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Radio Brief: Signing with Eagles puts spotlight on what Vick did to actual eagles
Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2009
In the process of working his way down to the torture of bugs, Michael Vick may have made a stop at eagle.
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Cutler's 30.8% rating after preseason debut ranks him as Bears No. 2 QB of all time
Sunday, Aug. 16, 2009
Only Jeff Blake's 9-pass 2005 season ranks higher
New Bears QB Jay Cutler was unimpressive by most standards in his preseason debut against Buffalo Saturday night, but by Chicago's historical standards he was amazing. Cutler's 30.8 percent passer rating now ranks him second all-time among Bears quarterbacks. Only Jeff Blake's 40.9 percent rating ranks higher.
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Radio Brief: Lovie's hiring of his own son is not nepotism, says Lovie
Monday, Aug. 10, 2009
The Bears coach is hiring his family members but still denying nepotism.
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Kevin Butler's comeback attempt foiled
Wednesday, Aug. 5, 2009
Retired kicker tried to replace almost-namesake Cutler
Ex-Bear Kevin Butler's comeback attempt was thwarted when his scheme was uncovered by police in his Chicago-area home.
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Radio Brief: Vasher makes painful discovery that Cutler throws just a tad bit harder than Orton
Wednesday, Aug. 5, 2009
Bears DBs realize they can no longer spend training camp trying to knock down their quarterback's passes with their face.
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Cutler rips Urlacher for hangin' with Wade
The Bears Report, July 30, 2009
Confirms rumor that linebacker hangs with d-bags
On the eve of his first training camp in a Bears uniform, quarterback Jay Cutler fired back at Brian Urlacher following reports that Urlacher had called him a bad name.
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Radio Brief: Cutler decides he doesn't need Ron Turner, will call his own plays
Monday, Jul. 13, 2009
The new Bears quarterback figures there's no way he'll be benched considering who his backups are.
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July 09 issue is out: Busch Stadium gets indoor plumbing; Ozzie adopts Wrigley rat; and much more
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Plenty of Cardinals, All-Star Game and Cubs news this month
Great news: The Heckler's July issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable sports news.
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Don't miss National 40oz Week at The Fifty/50 now until July 5
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Great times and discounts on America's Most Patriotic Beverage
The good folks at The Fifty/50 (2047 W. Division) are holding National 40oz Week now until July 5, co-sponsored by The Heckler. Take part in great events like Trivia Night, Old School Hip Hop Night, baseball promos and Hangover Day while enjoying discounts on the best 40oz goodness around.
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On Deck Radio Report: Hilarious clip of Jay Cutler calling Devin Hester a No. 1 wide receiver will become a YouTube hit and other predictions
Monday, June 29, 2009
This week's predictions: viewers will love video of Bears QB's absurd statement, a mayoral bet will be placed on the Cubs/Brewers series, and the Cubs broadcasters will ask for a little extra.
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The Heckler celebrates 1,000 Facebook friends
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
For some reason, we signed up for an account and now people like it
A while back, we at The Heckler started a Facebook account and Monday it gained its 1,000th fan. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we're offering current Facebook fans a deal they can't refuse: a chance to save 1,000 pennies on your next order from TheHeckler.com. That's $10 for all you non-math majors out there.

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June 09 issue is out: Bradley's mouth zippered shut; Ozzie holds insult seminar to prep for Wrigley; and much more
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Also follow The Heckler on Twitter and Facebook
Great news: The Heckler's June issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news. Also this month, The Heckler is co-sponsoring a pair of great events this month: unbeatable rooftop deals for Cubs-Twins and Cubs-Indians and National 40 oz. Week at The Fifty/50. Spread the word!
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Cutler completes transition by visiting every Chicago bar
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
New QB: 'This town is awesome!'
New Bears QB and appointed team savior Jay Cutler wasted no time making himself at home in Chicago. With the 2009 season still months away, discovering the Chicago social scene became Cutler's first order of business.

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On Deck Radio Report: Bears will add veteran receiver they've been looking for when Conway comes out of retirement and other predictions
Monday, May 11, 2009
This week's predictions: a Cubs promotion will cause an uproar, the Bears will find this year's non-factor to play receiver, and an ESPN anchor will be involved in a hairstyle related firing.
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May 09 issue is out: Lou gets moving walkway to speed up mound trips; Contreras recalls days with Ty Cobb; ESPN: Cornhole launches
Friday, May 8, 2009
Also introducing The Heckler Fan Pass
Great news: The Heckler's May issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news.
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Bears trade draft pick for Dairy Queen gift certificates
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The Bears' war room unexpectedly shut down on Saturday during the 2009 NFL Draft. With only a second round selection on the docket, Jerry Angelo opted to unload the Bears lone first-day pick for gift certificates to the local Dairy Queen.
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On Deck Radio Report: Cutler and Orton will show off their true talents by competing in a drink-off and other predictions
Monday, Apr. 27, 2009
This week's predictions: Brenly will need medical treatment on a trip back to Arizona, the Bears former and current QBs compete in a venue even more fitting for them than a football field, and Fukudome will spin himself into the stands.
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Angelo makes draft pick just to liven up Bears annual pool party
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Internet clip sparks GM's interest in San Jose State DT
After a pick-free Day One of the 2009 draft, Bears GM Jerry Angelo had a very active second day, making nine picks, the first of which was San Jose State DT Jarron Gilbert in the third round, who is a bit of an Internet sensation due to a YouTube video of him jumping out of a swimming pool. Angelo was very excited to utilize this unique talent at the Bears annual summer pool party.
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ESPN pretends to care about Chicago long enough to launch new local Web site
Monday, April 13, 2009
Berman butchering names of Hawks players highlights new site
Long accused of an East Coast bias, ESPN unveiled a new Web site focusing on Chicago sports today. Featuring a slick design, the site debuted with little substance. Most content was just repurposed from its national brands.
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April 09 issue is out: Cubs to wear Snuggies; Santo gets mohawk; Reed is scrappy
Friday, April 10, 2009
Be sure to sign up for The Heckler's Miller Park trip May 9
Great news: The Heckler's April issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news.
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Cutler trade may cause shutdown of Bears Quarterback Carousel
Friday, April 3, 2009
Fans lament loss of another beloved Chicago institution
A disturbing trend has seen Chicago lose a number of its most important institutions like Marshall Fields, the Berghoff, the Sears Tower and the chance to vomit on Western Avenue at the South Side Irish parade. Today the city is mourning the apparent demise of another: the beloved Bears Quarterback Carousel.
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Cutler remarkably more pissed after trade to Bears
Thursday, April 2, 2009
'I never imagined my situation could get this much worse!' cries Cutler
Even though Pro Bowl QB Jay Cutler received his wish to be traded from the Broncos Thursday, he never imagined his final destination would be the offensively talent-deprived Bears. Instead of appreciating the change of scenery, the move initially inflamed Cutler's bitterness towards his former club.
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Bears miss key free agents due to front-office retreat
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Phillips, Angelo take trip to Bahamas while many competitors improve
Shortly after announcing the Bears were not increasing ticket prices in 2009, President/CEO Ted Phillips and GM Jerry Angelo hopped on a private jet to the Bahamas. While off-season vacationing is far from unusual, these front office honchos oddly skipped town at the peak of the free agent signing period.
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March 09 issue is out: Zambrano Twitters between pitches; Soto's brow wax; Konerko replaced
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Be sure to attend Next Year Day April 3 at Harry Caray's Wrigleyville
Great news: The Heckler's March issue has hit the streets. As usual, it's packed full of unbelievable Chicago sports news.
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Bears announce free agent signing of lineman/admin assistant
Monday, March 2, 2009
Omiyale gets to work immediately after signing contract in mail room
It took the Bears all of two hours into free agency to proudly announce their big off-season acquisition. On Friday, unknown offensive lineman and pencil-pusher Frank Omiyale signed a four-year deal with the team in the mail room at Halas Hall.

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As Grossman departs, Angelo aims to find equally mediocre QB to replace him
Thursday, Feb. 26, 2009
Chicago GM: 'It's the Bear way after all'
Quarterback Rex Grossman is officially a free agent, meaning his tumultous six-year run with the Bears has most certainly ended. Meanwhile, GM Jerry Angelo is confident he can find a mediocre free agent or draft pick to fill Grossman's shoes.

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Screamin' Johnny Blaze talks about his disdain for hotels, spicy mustard and both Super Bowl teams in this Super preview
Friday, Jan. 30, 2009
He might not have a press pass, but that won't stop Screamin' Johnny Blaze from shouting his opinions about the Super Bowl.
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Bears restructuring eliminates QBs, 16 other staff positions
Wednesday, Jan. 28, 2009
'Tough times call for tough choices' says team CEO Phillips
Citing the need to increase efficiency in a worsening economy, Bears management Wednesday announced an internal restructuring that will eliminate 19 staff positions, including the team's three quarterbacks.
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Daley asks for second NFL team or one college basketball team in city
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
'The people of Chicago need something else to watch,' says Daley
'How can places like Durham, Providence, and Madison all have college teams while Chicago doesn't have any?' said Daley

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The Jan. 09 issue is out: Blago appoints Woo-Woo & Kasper gets hammered at Convention
Friday, January 16, 2009
Also check out The Heckler's booth at the Cubs Convention
Just in time for the 2009 Cubs Convention, The Heckler's January issue has hit the streets.
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On Deck Radio Report: Lovie's new hires will include more friends, plus family members and acquaintances and other predictions
Monday, Jan. 12, 2009
This week's predictions: the Pirates will actually sign a free agent, the Bears coach will dole out more jobs for everyone from friends to people he barely knows, and Milton Bradley will act the way we expected at the Cubs Convention.
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Bears begin off-season improvements by hiring 0-16 coach
Monday, Jan. 12, 2009
Marinelli brought in to share his vast knowledge of ineffectiveness
Following a disappointing end to their season, the Bears made a splash with their first post-season acquisition. They did not acquire a top receiver, franchise quarterback or shore up their secondary. Instead, the Bears hired Rod Marinelli, the legendary former Detroit Lions coach that led his squad to the NFL's first 0-16 season.

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Bears flush all post-season hopes down the toilet
Recap from Sunday, December 28, 2008
Texans help prove Bears really were who we thought they were
The Bears have, until lately, appeared to be the luckiest team in the league. The Vikings looked primed to fold, while other potential NFC wild card teams were losing at opportune times. The only problem, they could not beat the damn Texans!

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Bear Goggles: Find out why they're really a good team, despite how they look, and everything else you need to know about the Bears in week 17
Saturday, Dec. 27, 2008
Screamin' Johnny Blaze offers his take on the Bears last game of the regular season.
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Bears beat Packers in miracle only Santa could deliver
Recap from Monday, Dec. 22, 2008
Kornheiser also analyzes obsessively over the cold for five quarters
A blocked field goal and overtime coin toss off Brian Urlacher's helmet helped the Bears, once again, pull victory from the jaws of defeat. The Packers never trailed during regulation, but the Bears managed just enough second half offense to keep pace as Robbie Gould's OT kick brought home the victory.
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Cleveland face transplant goes horribly awry
Friday, December 19, 2008
Die-hard Browns fan surgeon makes patient look like Dawg Pound member
A woman who received the United States' first face transplant in a Cleveland hospital earlier this week was mortified when she saw herself in the mirror for the first time only to learn she now resembles a member of the Dawg Pound thanks to her surgeon, a die-hard Browns' fan.
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On Deck Radio Report: Rashied Davis will make progress by only dropping five straight passes and other predictions
Monday, Dec. 15, 2008
This week's predictions: the Bears receiver's pass catching ability will improve, slightly, Hendry will go bargain hunting, and Larry Hughes will showcase one of his best skills in Boston.
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Bears escape with much needed win despite best efforts to blow it
Recap from Thursday, December 11, 2008
Another wasted lead allows Saints to force OT
The Saints (7-7) have had difficulty winning on the road this year. But, the Bears (8-6) gave them plenty of opportunities prior to squeaking out the win on a Robbie Gould field goal in overtime. The victory moves the Bears to within a half game of the division leading Vikings. Although, the Bears will need to finish with a better record due to some confusing tie breaker rule that few can comprehend.
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Bear Goggles: Find out why activist judges are screwing them and everything else you need to know about the Bears in week 15
Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2008
Screamin' Johnny Blaze offers his take on the Bears fourteenth game of the season.
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