With the Heat one loss away from losing the NBA Finals to the Spurs, the anchors on SportsCenter won’t have any of that. They are going to extreme lengths to help the Heat repeat as champions, including voodoo.
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“I just wanted to skate around with the puck and do different spin-o-ramas until the two minutes were up,” said Kane. “But maybe now I should try to throw it at the net or something.”
“I’m almost positive we’ll draw more females to the games because of all the biceps being revealed on the field,” said Ricketts. “We’ll also be raking in merchandise money from all the fans who want to stay current by purchasing the new uniforms.”
In a statement issued by the team, Kraft said, “Mr. Putin recently tweeted about how happy he is that Tebow is now a member of the Patriots. So I asked Tim if he wouldn’t mind signing for the President so I can get my ring back.”
“I want Harvey and Wheeler to gain major league experience without being injured while we remain noncompetitive,” Collins said. “Their respective starts will be on this upcoming Tuesday and Wednesday and again in late September.”
The week started with the Humongous Maroon collection of Gears & Widgets extending their winning streak at Wrigley Field to about 300 games.
“Look, Corey has played admirably, but if it wasn’t for the goalpost, we would be down two games to none,” said Quenneville. “So I think it deserves a chance, don’t you?”
“I was still drunk four hours after I got to work on Thursday,” said Hawks fan Tom Benson, referring to the day after the three-overtime Game 1 that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. “Plus now I can check out the first period before work on Monday, then see the game-winning goal when I get home.”
With seemingly more offensive schemes in play than sacks given up by Gabe Carimi, the Chicago Bears will install yet another new system under the leadership of first year coach Marc Trestman. While it will be hard for some players to grasp the playbook, it’s likely to be more difficult for fans, who will contend [...]
“We admit it — the last name was just ‘not right’ as so many people have claimed,” said Snyder. “Is the team from Seattle or something? Washington simply wasn’t clear enough.”
Duncan Keith, who leads both teams in ice time with a record-setting eleven hours, forty three minutes, and fifteen seconds, told reporters shortly before leaving the locker room, “Please, no more. Make it stop. Make it all stop. Someone. Please.”
